‘An’as… there’s no need to worry about a little injury like this. Bleeding just helps get the bad blood out. Trust your mom, alright?’
An’as could still recall his mother’s comforting words.
The words she used to say whenever he got hurt or injured as a child.
The Mirror Dimension was a treacherous place.
It was a place where survival was a luxury. And yet… somehow, he had managed to live all the way until his current age, twenty-eight.
One could say he was lucky.
But was he really…?
“M-mom…”
An’as stared at the figure clinging to his ankle, his eyes trembling. He recognized her at a glance. How could he not recognize the woman who had birthed him and taken care of him since young?
“An’as…”
The kind smile was also there.
The warm one that she would always give him.
“My son… how are you doing?”
Her voice trembled as she looked at him from below.
Staring at her, An’as felt his body grow weaker. How long had it been since he had last seen her?
His chest trembled, his lips shaking.
A certain pain he had long forgotten resurfaced in his chest as he looked at her.
“How… How are you here, Mom? You’re… supposed to be dead.”
He had merely been fifteen when she died.
It was a disease that took her life. In order to provide for him and make sure that he would survive, she took several odd jobs. The jobs were harsh.
‘Haha… You don’t have to worry about me An’as. I’m fine.’
‘This is… okay.’
‘…Are you full? There’s more if you want.’
‘I’m fine. Just enjoy yourself. One day, I’m sure you can help me.’
‘It’s good.’
I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.
An’as always remembered his mom for the same exact words she would always tell him.
I’m fine…
But she wasn’t fine.
As a child, he didn’t fully understand, but even then, he could see the slow deterioration in her face. Her once-beautiful skin grew pale and sunken, and the voice that used to ring like a morning bell became hoarse and brittle.
And yet again… her words were, ‘I’m fine.’
A simple ‘I’m fine’ that An’as had grown to hate.
No, she wasn’t fine.
How could she be fine?
But what could he even do? He tried to work, but he was weak.
His mother’s state deteriorated, and he grew desperate.
Desperate to the point where he found himself selling his own organs. That was all he could offer.
It was all he was worth.
“Cough! Cough…!”
“M-mom, here. Have this…”
“An-as.”
“Don’t speak. Just eat.”
The money was enough for him to support his sick mother.
For once, An’as didn’t feel so useless. He felt useful. Wanted. Appreciated.
He continued to feed his mother, but her condition never seemed to improve.
“Mom, just stay. Let me take care of you.”
When money ran dry, he’d sell something else.
To take care of his mother, An’as was willing to sacrifice this much.
But…
“An’as…”
Lost completely in his own plight, An’as didn’t even realize the look his mother was giving him. He was just so mindlessly focused on taking care of her that he didn’t notice the look that she gave him that day.
…He only came to realize it once it was too late.
She…
Had taken her own life.
“N-no…”
It was as if his entire world came crashing down that day.
The sole reason for his life… gone. Just like that.
On that day, An’as remained stuck in the very same room her mother was in. He didn’t move. He couldn’t move.
He could only stare at her.
Completely lost.
And by the time he regained himself, he found himself standing in front of a large mirror.
That was when he saw it. His own reflection.
Pale face, sunken cheeks, sunken eyes…
‘Is that me?’
An’as was at a loss while staring at the reflection. It looked nothing like he did in the past. He was completely different.
He looked more like…
“M-mom.”
And that was when it finally hit him.
She…
Was just like him.
To keep him alive, she sold the things that shouldn’t have been sold.
The things that were meant for them and them only.
And it was that moment of realization that drove An’as to despair.
His entire body grew numb.
On that day, he lost all reason to live.
He was just a mindless corpse.
One that roamed the streets of Virith-Anash, just waiting for his eventual death.
He was numb to everything.
Even pain…
No, but there were times he felt it.
Times when the cuts in his arm made him feel something.
But then…
He’d recall his mother’s words.
‘An’as… there’s no need to worry about a little injury like this. Bleeding just helps get the bad blood out. Trust your mom, alright?’
An’as forced a smile each time.
Staring at the blood seeping out from his dried-up skin, he started to wonder if he was made of nothing else.
His days grew numbered, until…
The darkness finally took over his vision.
Finally, he could go.
Finally, he could return to his mother.
He could..
“What are you doing?”
In the midst of his darkness, he saw a light.
A light so intense it nearly blinded him. When he managed to open his eyes again, he was met with a sight that felt like staring into the sun itself. It was so bright… so warm, and so delicate.
It was also then that An’as recalled that on that day, the Living Saint of the Temple of Light would come to Virith-Anash.
At that moment, their eyes met.
He was looking straight at him. Straight to someone like him, and his hand reached towards him…
“It looks like you’ve allowed the world to defeat you.”
His voice was just as warm…
“But you’re in luck.”
The hand pulled him back up.
“The Goddess does not care about your origin or status. The Goddess cares for everyone deeply. I’m her direct emissary. My words are hers, and my care is hers. So… I hope we see each other again soon. I hope you aspire to be someone who will one day share the same love that the Goddess has.”
An’as’s life changed from that moment.
The temple took him in.
They fed him. They provided him with a shelter. Clothes. New organs… and ambition.
His life changed drastically from that moment.
It was also in that moment that he started to worship the Goddess.
She was his everything.
His life.
He wanted to repay her kindness.
Without her, he would have long succumbed to the darkness.
His mindless drive for the Goddess stemmed from that point. She was there at his lowest point.
She picked him up, and she made him new again.
His blood was no longer bad, and he was now whole again.
‘For the Goddess. For the Goddess. For the Goddess.’
The Goddess was all he thought about and his sole driving force.
“An’as… It’s been so long since we’ve last seen each other.”
As his mother’s voice echoed again from below, An’as’s lips stopped trembling. This was an illusion. His mother was dead.
That part of him was also dead.
He now had a new goal.
A new ambition.
“…I’m sorry.”
And as such, he pulled his foot back.
“An’as…?”
His mother’s voice shook, almost as though she was heartbroken. An’as’s shoulders trembled, but he resisted. This wasn’t his mother. His mother was dead. He wasn’t the same old An’as.
To him, the Goddess was his everything.
He couldn’t fall for the illusion’s tricks.
An’as didn’t look back and moved across the water surface.
“Why are you doing this to me An’as?”
“You’re breaking my heart.”
“…An’as?”
His mother’s voice continued to whisper from behind him, but An’as remained indifferent to it.
Or at least, made it seem like it.
However… just a small part of him wanted to listen to his mother.
The woman whom he had once loved with his being.
“An’as!!!”
Her voice eventually turned into screams as she called for him.
But An’as didn’t look back.
He couldn’t allow himself to look back. He had to keep moving forward.
Forget about everything and—
Splash!
“…..!”
An’as’s face changed as a hand streaked out of the water, grasping his ankle again. Before An’as could even react again, another hand shot out from the water and went on to grasp his other foot.
“What the!”
An’as’s eyes shook as he grew alert.
Looking down, he could see his mother appear. She was staring at him menacingly, her face twisted.
Next to her was…
Himself.
Or more like, the hollow version of what he once used to be.
He, too, was staring at him with the same twisted look his mother was giving him.
“What are you doing?”
“Why are you running away?”
“Come back. Come back to your mother.”
“You need to support her. What are you doing?”
An’as felt his breath leave his body as more and more hands shot out from the water, reaching out and grasping for him.
“No, no…”
He tried to shake their influence away, but the more hands came grasping and reaching for him, the harder it was for him to move.
They wrapped around his body, tangling tightly and clinging to him stubbornly.
No matter how much he tried to resist, he couldn’t.
And slowly…
“No, no!”
He was being pulled deep into the water.
“Shit, no!”
An’as’s hands flailed wildly as he reached for anything, something to keep him from slipping into the water. But no matter how desperately he searched, he found nothing. The cold crept in slowly, wrapping around his body until it consumed him entirely.
“Nooo!”
His screams echoed throughout the fog as he was eventually swallowed up by the water.
As his figure completely faded from view, several ripples formed across the water as a figure eventually stopped on the spot where An’as used to be, looking down directly.
His eyes shone faintly before he closed his eyes.
“There’s only so much I can do.”
Lazarus mumbled, his body calm.
He had been watching for a while, and although he could’ve helped, he decided not to.
At least not yet.
This was something that An’as had to figure out for himself.
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