Everybody is Kung Fu Fighting, While I Started a Farm

Chapter 119: Self-Made Physical Beast Taming Method

“What? Bigger? Smaller?”

Groggy from sleep, Jiang He only found a sheet of whiteness when he glanced at the video, barking, “Are you mental, Mu Wanqiu? What time is it, and you’re still not letting me sleep?”

He hung up.

And promptly blacklisted her!

After that, he returned to dreamland, and slept until he awoke naturally, washed up and wobbled downstairs.

Sora was standing by the stairs waiting, curtseying as she said with her coquettish voice, “Lunch is ready, Master.”

She pulled out a chair when Jiang He reached the table, and only then did she serve the steaming dishes. It was still rice, eggplant over meat, coleslaw cucumber over carrot shreds, but there was also corn porridge today.

Jiang He had his fill.

Then, just as he put his chopsticks aside, Sora quickly walked up and cleaned his mouth with an expensive-looking handkerchief.

There was enjoyment all over Jiang He’s face, and he was sighing inwardly!

There was little wonder why the rich would hire a maid. So, the feeling of enjoyment was this pleasant... Did his meals even have such variety before?

A single pot of cooked rice would last him three days.

And he had to crunch down on cucumbers in every meal...

He was on the verge of vomiting, and most importantly, he had to clean the dishes afterwards.

“There aren’t that many ingredients. I’ll take you to the city at night and buy some... I’ll get some crop seeds too, so we could plant them. We get to feast right after the harvest, not to mention it’s green and doesn’t pollute the environment.”

“Yes, Master.”

Sora stood tamely at a corner.

But as Jiang He looked at her, he suddenly remembered something.

“By the way, who was it that prank called me last night?”

“Mu Wanqiu?”

“She said something... was smaller?”

Rubbing his temples, Jiang He seemingly understanding what that white stuff was.

But why would she call him because she was smaller?

An idea struck him then, and Jiang He exclaimed in surprise, “It couldn’t be the eggplant, could it?”

“Easing swells... Those things count as swells?”

Cold sweat promptly broke out over Jiang He’s body. He quickly took of his pants for a look, and only then did he breathe a sigh of relief, saying, “Luckily, it’s not smaller... Moreover, this isn’t a swell, is it?”

‘My junk is born huge. How is that a swell?’

Jiang He glanced at Sora then.

She was staring at him in shock, her eyes almost bulging.

Putting on his pants back on with composure, Jiang He said, “Alright, stop looking. Go wash the dishes.”

“Yes, Master.”

Sora came to her senses then, and fled to the kitchen.

Shock appeared all over Jiang He’s face... wasn’t that reaction too intelligent? It did not feel like she was planted at all, and it was as if she was no different from a real person.

Jiang He went to sit on the couch afterwards, putting pen and paper on the coffee table as he started to think about how he could develop a beast-taming method.

He had nowhere to start even after thinking for half a day.

That stuff was too difficult to make up, unlike the Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms or Dragon-Elephant Prajna, which he could mnemonic chant online to fabricate with...

“Hold on.”

“Online? Fabricate?”

Jiang He’s eyes twinkled as he whipped out his phone and turned on the browser, typing in [How to tame your Feral] and searched it. However, there was not much information on that subject, and after browsing for a long time, Jiang He only found one unreliable article titled [Four Rules of Beast Taming].

[First Rule: Reward the pet if it did something you hoped for. Pretend you did not see it if the animal did something you don’t want.]

Jiang He raised his pen, mused to himself for a moment before revamping it!

“Reward the Feral if it did something you hoped for. Beat it until it’s almost dead if it did something you don’t want!”

Jiang He nodded in satisfaction after he repeated the first rule of beast taming he revamped three times.

After all...

Unlike animals, Ferals were as powerful as they were dangerous. Are you really supposed to act as if you saw nothing if it made a mistake? Would that not be allowing a decay of discipline?

“As the saying goes, good boys are only born under the stick. It’s the same for taming Ferals—we have to beat them up like they’re our own children, and only then would they listen.”

Jiang He turned towards the second rule then.

[By following the principle of exclusion, you could train your pet to something else when it is reluctant to do something you desire. If the principle of exclusion applies to both matters, your objective is achieved.]

Jiang He stared at the second rule for a long time, before realizing...

“I have no idea. What even is that principle of exclusion? It seems revamp is the only way!”

Lifting his pen, Jiang He mused to himself for a bit before writing, [When the Feral you’re training does not do what you want, beat it until it does. With that, your objective is achieved.]

Then, he saw that the third rule of beast taming was [It’s never the animal’s fault].

Heh.

Jiang He thought that the rule was utter nonsense.

He wrote [It’s always the Feral’s fault] instead.

The fourth rule of beast-taming was: [Even the best beast-tamers could never change animal instincts. As the saying goes, you can’t teach a cat to dive.]

???

Jiang He snorted.

Not changing the animal’s instincts? How is that called beast taming?

He felt his inspiration coming like a surging spring then, and wrote: It is only by changing the Feral’s instincts that you’re considered a beast tamer, such as making cats dive, teaching sows to climb trees, having tigers eat grass and stopping dogs from eating poo.

After he was finished, Jiang He noticed after some thought that those four rules were only suitable for tamed Ferals... which only made them more obedient.

One should know that 99% of all Ferals were lethal.

So how are you supposed to deal with Ferals that want you dead once you encountered them?

There was something online that mention the use of lures...

And then there was ‘eagle toil’ that was used for birds.

Jiang He disapproved of those measures. It was just taming Ferals—why go through so much trouble?

Lighting himself a cigarette as he thought about the matter, Jiang He soon had a idea and wrote: Attack any Feral that you want to tame once you encounter them until they were half-dead and compliant.

Slamming his pen on the table, Jiang He nodded in satisfaction after reading through his ‘beast-taming method’, chuckling, “Not bad, not bad. I think this beast-taming method would work.”

“Right... now that I have the manual, surely it can’t go without a name?”

Still, the naming was easy since the simpler it was, the better it was.

After some thought, he wrote [Physical Beat-Taming Method] on top of the paper.

Manual in hand, Jiang He arrived at the yard.

With just a look, Dumbo promptly said with its Xibei-Sichuan accent, “Wait a bit, Master. I’ll get digging.”

Picking up a shovel, it made a hole in just several strokes.

Jiang He was about to plant the beast-taming manual when he suddenly realized, “Hold on... I’ve used up both chances to plant cultivation manuals after my farm improved to level three.”

After some thought, Jiang He put away his ‘physical beast-taming manual’, thinking, ‘It’s not a problem whether I plant it since it’s an average beast-taming style and not a cultivation manual. Would I be unable to cultivate it when I developed it?’

Moreover, cultivating this manual was simple: He just had to find a bunch of Ferals and test it on them one after another.

Even if he weaker in talent, he would definitely succeed after he beat up five hundred Ferals!

Jiang He’s phone started ringing then.

It was Mu Wanqiu.

Answering her call, Jiang He chuckled in surprise, “Why are you calling, Mu Wanqiu? Don’t you always contact me on WeChat?”

Mu Wanqiu clenched her teeth on the other side of the call!

WeChat?!

Are you doing this on purpose?!

How am I supposed to contact you on WeChat after you blacklisted me?!

She took a deep breath, holding back her rage as she said, “Jiang He, I’ve worked overnight to check through the information about Ferals spotted around the Western Xia province. It seems that a martial artist had seen a black panther at Mount Helan, and it could be a rank-seven Feral.”

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