Evil God Average

Volume 2, Side Chapter 8 – A Certain Undying Butler

“…………Hahhh.”

On the fifth floor of the Evil God Temple, the divine Anri sighed.

She then ran her finger along the window frame. There was dust. In a sense, you could call it the obvious result, but it didn’t used to be dusty.

The reason it was now, was because the human Anri had left with Tena.

“This is a grave situation.”

Among the necessities of life, “clothing” was still okay. Because her Black Rose Dress would automatically clean itself at certain times, far from washing her clothing, she didn’t even need to change it.

But “food” and “shelter” were different stories.

If you didn’t make the food, you wouldn’t have any. Unfortunately, Anri’s cooking skills were not that great. Her food wasn’t bad, but neither was it particularly good.

There was no need to even mention the other two gods here.

To begin with, members of the Divine Race sustained itself on faith, and did not need to eat like other beings. And because they neither needed to eat, nor were they capricious enough to learn on a whim, they had no cooking skills to speak of. There had to be some sort of drive or compulsion to obtain the skills to create something you didn’t even need.

Which meant that there was no reason for them to eat, except for pleasure.

Naturally they wanted to eat delicious things for their enjoyment, but Tena who used to prepare it was now gone, so their meals had become heartbreaking. Of course, there was still the option of simply not eating, but now that they had tasted the joys of eating, it was a little hard to go back.

Not only that, Evil God Temple or not, if nobody cleaned it it would naturally become dusty. After Anri became a divine, she could use brooms again now that she was free from her curse, but that didn’t mean that she wouldn’t stealthily escape when it came to cleaning the huge temple.

The living area of the Evil God Temple could only be said to comprise the 5th surface floor, and the 31st subterranean floor, but even those two alone formed quite a large area. Even Tena would have found it impossible to manage. So then how did they used to manage…? The answer was that it was because the place was still a dungeon. With the dungeon master skill, “Dungeon Create”, it was possible to restore the place at the expense of mana. Although you couldn’t say it was impossible to replicate this with a divine Authority, the Authorities had the disadvantage of being too powerful and difficult to moderate. After all, they were essentially abilities used to govern the world.

“The agenda of today’s meeting is to address our falling living standards.”

“Well, I do not mind, but…”

“I shouldn’t be talkin’, but dincha pick the wrong gods for this?”

Three gods sat around a circular table, beginning a ridiculous meeting.

“Well, gotta say, can’t argue with improving the food ‘ere. Your food ain’t bad but, it ain’t particularly good either.”

“I agree with him.”

Anri knew this herself, of course, but she did not find it amusing to have it told right to her face.

So she argued back.

“Deadbeats can’t be choosers. Why don’t you two make something then.”

“Can’t.”

“It is impossible for me.”

Anbaal and Sophia immediately rejected it.

Even Anri didn’t think they had an atom of cooking skill. She just wanted to say it. Because of that, she backed down with a sigh.

“Well? What are we gunna do now? It ain’t like I can’t drag a few people who can do housework, back from the Demon Territory, but…”

“It may be best that you refrain from that. It may become a problem to have new humans and demons here.”

“Ya think?”

“Yeah. After all, there’s this strange situation where all three rulers of the world are bunking together here…”

Anri agreed with Sophia’s words.

Very few people knew that Sophia and Anbaal were living at the Evil God Temple. If it was leaked to the world, other countries might even invade to secure the Thearchy for themselves.

“Which means,” continued Anri, “that it’s a matter of which one of the people living here can do housework.”

Considering the purpose was to put a lid on inconvenient information, it naturally excluded the believers, foreigners, humans and demons from the third surface floor down, as well. Which naturally meant that their options were extremely limited. Once you excluded the trio who left the temple with the human Anri, the only candidates left were the dungeon bosses.

“Vnee.”

“No way.”

“With its large body… To begin with, it is quadrapedal.”

They didn’t even have staff to select from.

Of course there was no way the 20-metre long Black Dragon Vardneel could possibly do cooking and cleaning.

“The Anreal Armour.”

“Still impossible.”

“I must conclude the same way.”

It was the same for the 5-metre tall orichalcum living armour. It was a little better than Vardneel in that it was the right shape at least, but it really was too large for housework.

To begin with, it had no ego, so cooking and the like was impossible.

“…Imperial Death.”

“…Certainly, at least his size is of no complaint, but…”

“…Think he can do it?”

All that was left was the last boss of the dungeon.

Anri, Sophia and then Anbaal all thought of him in their minds.

There was no problem with his size because he was the same size as humans and demons.

His shape was fine too, since he was humanoid.

But then, as to whether they thought he could cook and clean, the three gods really had no idea.

“Anyway, let’s ask him.”

With those words, Anri decided to call Imperial Death there.

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“Well then, please enjoy.”

“…Yeah.”

“…Yeh.”

“…I-, I shall partake.”

The three gods were overwhelmed by the sight before them.

Just looking at how carefully made the various dishes were, they already seemed delicious. That alone was a good thing, but it gave them a massive shock that all this was created by an undead who looked basically like a skeleton. Particularly shocked was Anri, whose heart was in shreds from realising that she lost to him.

“Yummy.”

“Pretty good.”

“Quite delicious, isn’t it.”

And the taste of the food did not betray its appearance.

“I am humbly overjoyed by your words.”

Imperial Death gave a bow, with refined movements that brought to mind a skilled butler.

Not only that, but from start to finish, all his attention focused on Anri. Although he served food to Sophia and Anbaal as well, that was nothing more than giving face to Anri. All of his loyalty belonged solely to Anri.

Considering his history, you could say it was admirable that he wasn’t simply attacking the God of Light.

“Please entrust the cleaning to me as well.”

With that, Imperial Death spread his arms towards an empty space in the room.

“Come forth, my kin.”

Responding to the summons of the Emperor of the Undead, numerous undead appeared on the spot.

“Now, my kin. Polish every nook and cranny of this corner. For the sake of Anri-sama.”

With those words, the undead produced brooms and dust cloths from who knows where, and paying no heed to the dumbfounded gods, immediately scattered to clean.

The large Evil God Temple was cleaned up at incredible speeds by the power of numbers.

Skeletons swept the floors with brooms. Wraiths cleaned the walls with cloths. The whole thing was just surreal to watch, but there was no problem with the results.

In less than a moment, the 5th surface floor and 31st subterranean floors were spotless, and now sparkled like they were newly built.

“How was it?” said Imperial Death proudly.

Anri could only nod up and down in a daze.

“Not only this. Allow me to also receive guests and pass messages along, manage your schedule, deal with the defence, deal with the finances, and all the other odd jobs.”

“I-, I see…”

Why was this lofty Undead Emperor showing off his housekeeping skills…? Or so she wondered in her heart, but Anri still nodded.

Incidentally, the reason he was so desperate was because there was nothing to do in his job as the last boss.

“Well then, please keep up the good work.”

“Understood! I will serve you with all my body and soul!”

Keeping back his trembles of emotion, Imperial Death lowered his head politely and neatly, into a perfect bow.

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This was the moment that Imperial Death, “31st Floor Boss” and “Butler”, was born.

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