I Became the Little Demon in Leading Role's Family

Chapter 690: Chapter 699: You Love the Me You Imagine

Bai Fei didn’t know what she was thinking. She had always felt that being a bit overweight wasn’t a big deal; as long as she could enjoy delicious food, she was happy.

Even thinking about the taste of those dishes made her mouth water, but now she couldn’t even think about it.

Because as soon as she did, she wanted to throw up.

“I used to feel the same way. Believing that eating was the happiest thing. Whether it was a simple plate of stir-fried eggs or bacon with garlic shoots, it all smelled so amazing.

Even plain white rice, if well-prepared, would taste sweet.

But now, I’ve forgotten those flavors, and I can’t even smile.

I don’t know when I got addicted.

It started the day I began to lose weight. Watching my weight drop day by day.

On days when it didn’t, I would get anxious, feeling that it wasn’t right, that I had to keep losing weight. The pressure grew, and I started to regret.

Senior… am I, sick?”

Bai Fei lifted her head, the emptiness in her eyes devoid of any sparkle.

“I like you, so I wanted to be the best version of myself in front of you. They said I had to be slimmer, so I desperately tried to lose weight.”

Bai Fei’s face was pale and haggard, and even a face mask couldn’t restore her in one go. She looked especially worn out today.

If she looked in the mirror, perhaps she would be infuriated by her own reflection.

“Later, I weighed myself every day. If I didn’t lose weight for one day, I felt extremely agitated.

Then I began to lose hair, clumps of it at a time. I told my mom, and she said it was normal, everyone loses hair.

But not clumps at a time, right?”

She was scared to even comb her hair, because each time it was a shocking sight.

She feared facing the comb, and even more, looking in the mirror.

She was afraid she was turning bald.

She had no choice but to stop, and when she did, her hair stopped falling out, but her weight remained the same.

She had to purge everything she ate.

If she couldn’t vomit, she’d use her fingers to induce it.

The first time was truly agonizing. The feeling of gagging was far from pleasant.

But she endured it.

The first time was nauseating and painful.

The second time was still uncomfortable,

But eventually, she got used to it.

She became accustomed to inducing vomiting, but her weight still did not decrease, so she continued with diet pills.

In the end, she became what she was now.

It was only two months, and she no longer recognized herself.

“Bai Fei, thank you for liking me. But I think you don’t really like me,” Xu Yan said earnestly, looking into Bai Fei’s eyes, which didn’t hold much affection.

“You only fell for the person you thought I was.”

When Bai Fei spoke about him, her eyes seemed to shine, but not when she looked at him.

Perhaps Bai Fei herself didn’t realize that she was in love with an image she had created.

“What!” Bai Fei was bewildered, hearing this for the first time. “Senior, if you dislike me, just say it directly. There’s no need for such words. My affection is sincere, you know.

Otherwise, I wouldn’t be dieting just to see you.”

Bai Xin felt wronged. She genuinely liked the senior. Every time she thought about their moments together, she felt so happy.

That’s why she wanted to lose weight.

“What do you like about me?”

Xu Ke didn’t argue with her, but thought for a moment and asked, stroking his chin.

Bai Fei clearly hadn’t expected him to ask that. In fact, she had never thought about it herself. She was a bit confused…

Xu Yan felt it was quite normal, after all, how much did a little girl understand about liking someone?

It was just that he had helped her, and in that moment, she thought he was so impressive, like a prince saving the princess, and then she began to indulge in all sorts of fantasies.

She fantasized about all his good qualities, searching through his character for any possible flaw. As to why he knew this, who hadn’t been young once?

Back then, didn’t he also feel that someone was perfect in every way, finding the perfect reason for anything and everything she said?

Bai Fei didn’t like him, but likely the version of him she had conjured up in her fantasizing, the him that was especially good to her.

“Senior, you’re very handsome, very gentle, and your smile is so charming. You’ve helped me so much.”

Bai Fei pondered for a moment before speaking up, as for anything else, she seemed to have no idea.

“Do you understand me then?”

Xu Yan nodded and continued to ask her.

Bai Fei was confused again, “Of course, Senior, you’re very handsome, very gentle, and your smile is so charming.”

Xu Yan reminded her somewhat helplessly, “You’re repeating what you just said.”

In truth, Bai Fei didn’t understand him, just as he had never really understood that person from his past.

Sincerely liking someone isn’t about pretending to be someone else, it’s about bravely being oneself.

“I…” Bai Fei felt a bit embarrassed. She seemed to have repeated herself, and she had to admit that she really didn’t understand this senior.

Or rather, her so-called liking was just for the good things she had imagined about him.

She thought the senior was gentle when he had rescued her, then she thought he was good in every way.

But what exactly was good?

Was it his gentleness in her dreams or the considerate nature she had imagined?

Just because they had gone to the library together, she believed he was profoundly knowledgeable and that he surely remembered her.

It turned out, ah, that many of those lovely memories were mostly her own imagination—just plain meetings to which she added romantic scenarios.

In reality, the senior had only righted what was wrong in her path.

But she felt it was love at first sight.

“Senior, you like cooking.”

In her unwillingness to let go, she thought and then spoke, “You like tea art, you like reading.”

Xu Yan, seeing Bai Fei like this, could understand; after all, many people live in their own imagination.

“Nope, cooking and tea art are my sister’s hobbies; I only do them to find her. Those aren’t what I like.

Bai Fei, I appreciate your feelings for me.

But I don’t like this version of you, one who doesn’t take care of her health.

Do you know? Truly liking someone isn’t about changing oneself for them. It’s being able to freely be yourself.

Whether fat or thin, whether nagging or willful.

Whether crying or making a fuss, you can be yourself in front of him without any reservations.

If someday you meet someone who allows you to be yourself, then hold onto him, understand?

For now, you should focus on getting healthy because being too thin doesn’t suit you; it’s a bit scary, you know.”

Xu Yan glanced at his watch; it was getting late, and he stood up.

“It’s been a pleasure to know you, thank you. You’re a very cute little girl, and you’re welcome to come and eat, but I hope it won’t be a meal forced upon yourself.”

Bai Fei hadn’t entirely grasped Xu Yan’s words yet, but she nodded still.

“Mhm, thank you, Senior.”

Even though the senior said that her affections were merely an illusion, she was still happy.

Just being able to carefreely be herself, right?

Bai Fei bore it, covered her head with the blanket, closed her eyes, and forcefully recalled every little moment with the senior since their meeting.

From an outsider’s view, the senior indeed seemed somewhat aloof. But at that time, she thought that such aloofness was just to hide his shyness.

Now that she thought about it… her imagination really was rich.

The senior had said nothing, and she had already fleshed out his entire personality in her mind.

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