I'm a Walking Disaster With My Unwanted Virginity

I met up with Marg outside the dorm. She arrived on time, exactly at 8. As usual, she was in her usual clothes and she was fairly normal. This was nothing like the last time she took me back. It was almost as though, she wasn't even trying anymore. 

'Calm down.' I was a bit nervous but I didn't have time to dwindle. "Hey."

"Hey." Her words were calm and I couldn't tell if there was any emotion to that face of hers. 

I really wanted to know though. 

I didn't want to sigh but the sighs just kept on piling up. "Let's go."

I stood right next to her and in a matter of seconds, we were on our way for the door of my home. Of course, I kept my eyes open and took a good look at the ninth dimension. Just like last time, the place was filled with those eyeless floating thingies and they were searching for light. 

It was a poor sight. 

"I will take my leave now." Marg turned around and was about to leave. 

My door welcomed me with its usual door-ey-ness.

"Mom wanted to have a chat with you. There's still time. Why don't you have something to eat and then leave?" I tried to be friendly. Of course, I was lying through my teeth. I wasn't used to lying, so this might have come off a bit weird. 

She glared back. "No." She was gone. 

Well, there went that. 

I kind of wanted to tear my hair off right about now. They were kind of falling on their own though. 

I rang the bell, gave a knock, and waited for about a minute. My heart was on fire. I only realized it after Marg left: I was excited. Definitely not in a good way. 

The door opened. I thought it'd be Elsa but it was mom and her condescending glare. She was just about my height and yet, her glares were awfully condescending and felt like they were coming from way up. Or, was it that I was shrinking?

"Well, I don't see her."

"I told her you wanted to talk but she still left." I didn't have any excuse.

She sighed. "Show a little spine. You're not going to get her like this. Do you have any idea how much your father begged me before I settled down with him?"

"I actually don't. You never talk about that." I came inside and mom locked the door. 

She didn't say a word. I guess that sudden outburst was unintentional.

"So? I take it, you have plans for tomorrow?" I said. 

"First of all, congratulations on causing more trouble again." I was trying to steer her away from that but she still went for it straight away, and with a smile too. "We're going shopping tomorrow. You'll be paying for yourself but it would have still been unfair if we left you out."

'Wait, I have to pay for myself?'

"It's still unfair though," I mumbled. 

Shopping with mom and Elsa was hell and I didn't want to live through it ever again. 

"Hmmm?" She glared again. "Did you say something?"

I straightened my back. "Nothing."

"Good, now go take a shower. You smell worse than your father used to."

Was it me or was she using the term 'father' a lot more than necessary? I guess it had something to do with that recent visit or was there something more, something I wasn't aware of? 

But I had to oblige. "Fine."

But seriously, I smelled?

Subconsciously, I took a sniff of my underarms.

'Think, I'll shower ten times a day from now on.'

I didn't smell. I reeked. 

***

Dinner was actually pretty good. Most were my favorites with Elsa's favorites mixed in. I guess mom kind of went all out. I didn't see any of her favorites though. 

She still had a smile the whole time.

I felt glad and yet a bit sad at the same time. If all she cared about was our happiness, then what about her happiness?

I guess I couldn't understand that. 'I'll never have kids.' I had no intentions of going through what mom was going through, no sir. 

I was almost finished. "I think Marg might have feelings for me. But as you said, I don't know how deep that is." I was feeling kind of gloomy so I started the conversation. 

Both of them stopped eating for a second and stared at me. Especially Elsa, she was even frowning a bit, and her stare was more like a glare. 

"So, what do you plan to do with that information?"

"I'll confront her head-on. I'll confront her where she won't be able to escape." I'd actually been thinking about this for a while now. I didn't know if this was going to work or not, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. And I knew, I at least had a shot. 

"That being?" Mom resumed eating. 

"The finals."

"So, not only are you assuming you'd win, you're also assuming she'd win too? Isn't that being awfully naïve of you?"

"No, that's just being awfully optimistic. There's a difference. And trust me, I'm only making one assumption. I will reach the finals and that's a fact, not an assumption."

Mom giggled and almost spilled her drink. "You were always confident but this is probably a step above overconfidence."

"Oh and, I think something is going on with my seal. Yesterday, I had a 'we' moment." And I had a bad feeling about all this. 

"WE?" Elsa was a bit confused. She'd stopped eating a long while ago. In fact, she didn't eat much today. I guess she wasn't feeling hungry?

"It could be that your personalities are merging? Any changes in your mindset?" But mom understood regardless. 

"I'm getting more violent thoughts. Yesterday and today I made hundreds of people almost impotent, nearly killed some, and yet, I feel nothing." It wasn't that I felt nothing. No, it was more like everything felt natural. It was as though, I enjoyed harming others. 

I didn't like this. 

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