I'm a Walking Disaster With My Unwanted Virginity

I kind of wanted to run to Marg's dorm and ask her upfront if she didn't come because I might have been a bit too much last night. But I couldn't bring myself to. After all, it was embarrassing and I kind of couldn't get the thoughts of her moans and cries out of my head. Like seriously, why hadn't I paid enough attention at the time? 

Well, it wasn't like we wouldn't be meeting again today, anyway. She had matches, and so did I. 'But man, how the hell am I supposed to take responsibility? She did say I won't have to, but-'

But I wasn't convinced. The reason I always wanted to avoid girls was because I was afraid of taking responsibility. But now that I'd already made this mistake, there was no going back and I had to make everything alright, whether I liked it or not. I had to take responsibility. I couldn't ruin a girl's life and just say it was for fun or whatever. 

Maybe I was over exaggerating this, but this was what I was taught, and I intended to follow my family's teachings on this case. Mom did always say, 'if you ever make a mistake, apologize and take responsibility.' I was also very much aware that she didn't mean this. 

As usual, life was full of sighs.       

I reached the dorm, without even noticing. 

Knock!

Lately, no matter how I thought about it, Merin wasn't-

"Oh, welcome."

My train of thoughts was abruptly stopped as Merin opened the door without a fuss while buttoning up his shirt: I guess he was in there. I did not like that grin on his face though. 

Once I entered the room, I understood why. It was awfully dark in here and the curtains were closed. 

Apparently, Merin had an adventure of his own. 

"Now if you two will excuse me." Natasha left. It didn't take a genius to figure out what they were doing. 

I sighed. "No wonder it smells in here." 

"Hey! What is that supposed to mean." Merin was a bit offended. 

"Exactly, what I meant." I lounge opened the windows and let fresh air in. I had a grin of my own. "Guess what happened last night."

"You got laid, didn't you." Merin gave me a smug grin. 

My poker face shattered in an instant. "When I said guess, I didn't mean, get it right on the first try." Like seriously, was this guy a prophet or something?

He burst out laughing. "Oh and thanks for returning this in one piece." Merin picked up his jacket. "I was afraid you were going to destroy my favorite jacket." He examined the jacket, searching for signs of destruction. 

'And you still gave me that one?'

I guess I really owed him big time. 

"I'd wash that if I were you."

"Ah!" He abruptly dropped the jacket on the bed and gave me a meek smile. He couldn't formulate a response. 

"Anyway, I kind of used your crystal and it got drained. But I'm alive because of that. Thanks."

"No prob. Did you get what were you searching for?"

I grimaced subconsciously. "Well, kind of." I brought out the fragments. It was funny how they were still here after all this. When I got snuggled between Marg's thigs, I thought I'd dropped them in the lake. But somehow, by some miracle, I still had the stuff. 

But just the thought of that sensation, made my insides go funny. All of a sudden, I felt hotter. 

"WOW!" Merin came close to me and picked one of the crystals. "These are rare, very rare."

Thank goodness, he was a great distraction. 

"What do you mean?" I barely had pieces of the actual core, and not to mention these were just tiny pieces. 

"Green to blue are common, yellow to orange are kind of rare, pink to purple are a lot rare."

"Some part of that doesn't make sense, but sure," I mumbled. "But that's only a fragment. I couldn't get the actual core."

"I don't know what you'll do with them but I think these are basically good enough for anything you plan. I mean you can sell each one for roughly a gold if you're lucky." 

Was this guy serious? A gold for a piece?

'A gold?' I grinned, there it was, my responsibility-money. But it wasn't enough in the long run. I needed more. 'Maybe I should consider hunting Mutors in my spare time, in the meantime?' If the money was good then my chocolate pool wasn't too far away either. 

"Well, that's good and all but I need the core to refine this saber and make it stronger so it won't crack under pressure." Meaning, at the end of the day, I still didn't complete the task I was set out to do. So, what was the point in all this?

"You can always sell one of these and buy a yellow core, I guess. But for what? For the tournament?"

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah." Merin chuckled, looking away. "You kind of missed everything yesterday, didn't you?" His voice wasn't giving me confidence. 

"Why, are you avoiding eye contact? What happened?" I kind of wanted to know, but I also kind of didn't want to know. 

"Well, ah… you're actually a lot far behind. So unless you score exactly three on all your remaining three matches, you're out." He carefully laid out the facts. But the moment I understood them, things got a lot tougher. 

"Oh shit." I sat on the bed. 

"Now, now, don't be down." Merin sat down next to me. "That's taking into account that all your opponents will also score threes which doesn't seem that likely. So you can probably be fine with just 8 or even 7. But that's still assuming you have to win all three with at least one match netting you 3."

If that was his idea of cheering me up, it sure wasn't working. 

"Suppose, I can't actually risk not using my saber now." Meaning, there wasn't any way I could get this saber over to that old man and do something about this. 

I sighed. 

"So, who's the lucky girl?" Merin really had a way of changing the subject. 

But I couldn't gloom forever. I smiled. "You know her pretty well." And boy, did I feel good about this. I still had no idea why. 

Merin grinned but gradually his grin started to waver and at point, it was replaced with dread and twitches. "Please tell me it isn't Marg."

"Damn." I chuckled. "What is with you and your guesses today!" If he claimed to be a mind reader at this point, I'd have believed him.

Merin grabbed my shoulder and glared. "Please tell me, it isn't Margeretta Rodwich."

I didn't know what his deal was but one thing was for certain, this guy was serious. 

So I had to be too. "Yes."

He let go of me and went over to his side. "Damn." He sat down on the bed with a thud. "You do realize she's engaged to Vana Battlesuin, right?"

"Wait, what? How was I supposed to know that? And how do you know that!" More importantly, she never told me anything!

And a Battlesuin? 

A sigh escaped my lips without a doubt. 

"Are you stupid? Shouldn't you at least look into people before being in bed with them? Besides, she's nobility and almost all nobles get engaged early on. Or did you need a Holo to tell you that?" Merin was being awfully condescending if nothing else. But he was right. He sighed. "Yesterday Vana Battlesuin had come to the dorm to inquire about your decision of whether you wanted to join the tea party or not. Of course, it was unofficial and he just wanted to have a chat with you. I didn't know what to do but eventually brought him back to the room and we met Marg here."

I held my head. "Well, this just got weird."

"Weird? Weird? Oh, man. And I thought you were smart. But I guess in the heat of the moment everybody loses it." He lied down on the bed, feet still hanging down. "I'd advise you to stay away from that girl. Pretend it never happened. I'm sure she'll do the same. Did you talk to her today?"

Pretend it never happened? Could I really do that? Could I?

No, I couldn't. Last night was amazing and I wanted more. Maybe I was going crazy overtaking responsivity because I wanted to have another taste at it. I could almost snort at my own selfishness. 'So, in the end, it was all for me?' I had no answer, really. 

"She never showed up. And I already decided to take respon-"

"Don't be stupid. If you do something rash, both the Rodwichs and the Battelsuins will become your enemies. And it seems she realizes it too. That's why she didn't come to classes. Your family is already in a tough position, I don't think it would be wise to invite unnecessary trouble. "

I took a deep breath. "Well, I suppose I've to have another good talk with mom then and apologize."

He sighed. "I guess you already made that decision." Merin snorted. "Well, that suits you. I'll support you as both your senior and your friend no matter what path you choose."

"Thanks. You really should wash that first though."

"What are- Whoah!" He was right under his jacket. He jumped back up. 

I chuckled. "Well, it was over our heads, so I don't think it's dirty or anything. But…Thanks, man."

"You're welcome."

There was silence between us but we knew, we had each other's backs.

Well, kind of.

But one thing was for certain. I was going to take responsibility and I wasn't going to let anyone get in my way, not even the Battlesuins. Besides, we were already going to war anyway. 

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