Chapter 1.7:
Zhao Xihe has long lost count of how many worlds he has drifted through, and how long he has been doing so. From a small pawn that can only follow the system’s command to a VIP level actor who can influence his system. Along this tedious journey, every pre-set plot with its love, affection, hate, and feelings in general all came and went like smoke and mist. None ever left the slightest bit of impression in his heart.
Just as Zhao Xihe starts to believe that he is perhaps meant to wander through worlds alone, his system finally informs him that he has obtained the highest-level credit. Meaning, he can do as he wishes, live as he wishes in all the different worlds laid out for his picking. If he finds someone he likes, he can choose to remain by her side forever.
Initially, the Zhao Xihe who received this news finally experienced genuine and sincere joy. However, this happiness quickly disappears, dissipating without a trace. Because no matter how much effort he puts in, he is incapable of finding someone able to ignite the spark in his heart.
In the various worlds, he interacted with many different kinds of women. Flirtatious ones, ice-cold queens, tyrants, enchanters...his experience is rather vast. Unfortunately, Zhao Xihe has long lost the ability to genuinely love someone, for his heart has frosted over.
But whatever the case is, he continues drifting through the worlds, searching, harbouring the scantest hope that someday, he will be able to meet with ’that person’. The one who can make him feel again.
Arriving in another Ancient Era world, Zhao Xihe is already very familiar with the best way to deal with the plot. As soon as he has a brief understanding of the character and role he is meant to play, he tosses it all aside, instead wandering down the street to pass the time.
It isn’t long before his gaze is attracted to a young man gorgeous enough to catch everyone’s attention.
Zhao Xihe has never before seen such an enchantingly captivating person - male or female - that causes him to be unable to shift his gaze away. Even if he is clearly arrogant and spoiled, his eyes display a child-like innocence, clear and untainted. Although it doesn’t quite fit the aura he exudes, it still doesn’t fail in capturing people’s interest.
With nothing better to do, Zhao Xihe decides to tail the man. He is just so bored, enough that he desires to interact with the one interesting thing that aroused his curiosity.
As such, he clearly witnessed this young man exclaim at every common item like a sheltered child, purchasing random items like a carved hairpin and a wooden button. Things that shouldn’t incite such happiness in people. Couple with his enticing outer appearance, this attitude truly makes one unable to stop staring.
In the end, when Zhao Xihe really wants to interact with this interesting character, he is given the opportunity to do so when the other looks around, a tad embarrassed. Taking the initiative, he offers to carry the pile of random items for him.
Later, when everything is said and done, Zhao Xihe finally realises that this person is this world’s supporting male lead, Sui Yuan.
Regarding the female lead, he has no interest in her. Rather than allowing the storyline to develop the way it is meant to, he prefers finding novel and interesting things. In addition, he has the power to do as he wishes.
Hence, he tosses the female lead aside, shadowing Sui Yuan day to day. While this youth generally appears haughty and bossy, he is, in fact, a naïve white paper[1]. Zhao Xihe really likes the feel of being unrestrained, smearing this white paper with his colours. It gives him an unparalleled sense of accomplishment.
...Cultivating someone, especially such a gorgeous child, is truly satisfactory enough to kill his boredom!
It is in this world Zhao Xihe feels, for the first time in his life, that he is someone without integrity. He likes using an ambiguous attitude to treat Sui Yuan. Seeing him (SY) confused but struggling to maintain a calm and collected front gradually cause him to be more and more engrossed. But no matter what surfaced in his heart, his mind is still clear-headed as ever from beginning to the end. In his eyes, everything in each world is merely a plaything to ease his boredom. It’s just that...the toy named Sui Yuan truly leaves him at a loss.
Nonetheless, Zhao Xihe thinks that since Sui Yuan brings him such delight, he should at least repay him by making him happy in this world. Although the original plot has Sui Yuan destined to be a mere supporting lead cannon fodder, as long as he, this male lead, doesn’t get involved, with Sui Yuan’s appearance alone, it shouldn’t be long before the beauty will be in his grasp.
...Only, everything veers out of Zhao Xihe’s expectations.
First of all, Sui Yuan’s behaviour. He is clearly desperately head-over-heels for the female lead, but simply refuses to admit it, causing Zhao Xihe to lament in his heart. Secondly, his ambiguous attitude to Sui Yuan came back to bite him, for he feels like Sui Yuan is slowly starting to develop feelings for him.
When he leaves for the frontlines as according to the plot, the grief-stricken song <<A Long Farewell>> that Sui Yuan plays causes his long-frozen heart to palpitate. It is here that his emotions start to undulate. If Sui Yuan is able to accompany him, Zhao Xihe considers that he is a rather good choice. However, he is well aware that he is a cold individual who has existed without love for so long. Rather than being tied to him, perhaps Sui Yuan will find genuine happiness with Fan Caiyao.
Therefore, Zhao Xihe doesn’t respond. Doesn’t turn back until he is far, far away, where he can’t hear the zither nor see the player. He has made the decision to sever his ambiguous relationship with Sui Yuan.
However, one is incapable of controlling their hearts and thus, he fails yet again.
Although he is stationed far away from the capital, Zhao Xihe doesn’t stop monitoring Sui Yuan. With an informant shadowing the young prince and reporting his every move, Zhao Xihe knows every little thing concerning Sui Yuan. Hence, he is well aware of Sui Yuan becoming listless after his departure, of him drifting apart from the female lead. Fan Caiyao eventually married but he still remained single. Everything is reported back to Zhao Xihe, leaving him fretting and worrying.
The crucial turning point in the plot is something Zhao Xihe is incapable of thwarting, and is also something he doesn’t want to waste effort in preventing. The ’family’ he has in the form of Marquis Dingyuan’s household are no more than faceless strangers. He will do what he can and follow the plot, but he doesn’t put any of them in his heart. However, following Fan Caiyao’s unscripted marriage and departure, the whirlpool originally planned to suck the female lead into once again draws Sui Yuan in.
As if decreed by fate, Sui Yuan tirelessly works to support the Marquis’ residence in standing firm against the Emperor, even going so far as risking his life to help the entire household sneak out of the capital. This all is not because he harbours a deep love for the female lead, but rather...because he dearly loves the male lead.
This is first time someone has thrown away everything for him even after the storyline has changed, the first person that left an unforgettable impression on his stone heart.
After receiving news that Sui Yuan has been thrown into prison and will quite possibly be executed for treason, he finally experiences a tidal wave of emotion. Remorse, self-blame. Agony akin to having his heart cut out. Suffice to say that this onslaught of emotions reminds him that he is a genuine person. Infatuated with the only man that can make him feel this way without even being physically present, Zhao Xihe finally admits that he feels something for this young prince.
Whenever he recalls that delicate, arrogant but feeble-minded, pure, simple and utterly sincere child, fondness and worry arises. He desperately wants to fight and push forward the date of the revolt, for presently, he knows that Sui Yuan is not dead yet. He is locked up in a prison cell, still alive.
Zhao Xihe thinks that perhaps he has found the person he is seeking. The sole individual able to make him feel again. Sui Yuan. The one who deviated from the original story and fell for him even after seeing Zhao Xihe’s true self. The one who is willing to even throw away his life without complains all for him. The beautiful, pure child, Sui Yuan.
Perhaps this feeling Zhao Xihe has for Sui Yuan is not love, but concern. Even so, something that isn’t as deep as love is also fine. Zhao Xihe is truly weary from all that drifting. He just wants someone who can capture his attention and willingness to be with, then spend the rest of his life with them, walking towards the future together.
Harbouring this sliver of hope, Zhao Xihe rushes into the prison. Mere skin and bones, clothes matted with dirt and hair in disarray, Sui Yuan still looks heartbreakingly beautiful, so captivating that Zhao Xihe cannot bring himself to look away, clinging onto this child with a death grip as if Sui Yuan is the only piece of driftwood out in sea that is preventing him from drowning.
Zhao Xihe gives it his all, trying his utmost best to please Sui Yuan and heal the emotional wounds he inflicted. But perhaps this is fate’s retribution, for Sui Yuan never opens his heart to him again.
Ultimately, Sui Yuan still leaves as according to the plot, departing from the capital with a broken heart.
In the end, the person Zhao Xihe wishes to grab hold of and never let go slips away between his fingers like air. He can do nothing, only carving this person, Sui Yuan, deep into his heart.
When this storyline reaches its conclusion, Zhao Xihe once again finds himself in the space between worlds. To his utter amazement, the first thing he sees is the enchanting figure clad in crimson robes, a vision that he has been missing for years.
Sui Yuan is still as striking as ever, only lacking the languid, enticing charm. But the pure and simple expression displayed on his face is extremely familiar. By his side, a similar round-bodied system screeches sharply as it relays everything that its partner did wrong in the previous world.
Spotting Zhao Xihe, Sui Yuan pauses for a second, before flashing him a friendly smile. That’s right. Friendly. Not the cold disdainful look that tore at Zhao Xihe’s heart.
At this moment, if Zhao Xihe still cannot grasp the situation, then the thing occupying that space in his skull is not a brain.
Teeth gnashing together as he stares at the spot Sui Yuan disappeared from, he reaches out and drags his own system over, coldly questioning, "Which world did he go into?"
"...The zombie apocalypse one." The system answers calmly. "Are you sure you want to pick that zombie apocalypse world?"
"Of course, I am certain." The corners of Zhao Xihe’s mouth pulls up in a humourless smile. "After wandering for so long and becoming a senior in this line, I unexpectedly got played by a newbie. If I don’t take my revenge, even the Heavens will weep!"
The author has something to say: Uuuuu...thus begins the male lead and supporting male lead’s journey through the worlds, loving and killing each other....
To be honest, gong is doing the loving while shou does the killing...
Actually, that’s also not quite right...
Footnotes:
[1] White paper = someone untainted/untouched yet by the natures of the world around them. Inexperienced and ignorant.
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