Joy of Life

Chapter 250: Look Up, Look Down and then Laugh

Translator: Nyoi-Bo Studio Editor: Nyoi-Bo Studio

Fan Xian’s movement was clumsy. He was chopping the air in a misdirected, almost zany manner. There was no finesse to his movement and to coincide with each wave of his hand, he would let out a gentle gust of wind. And so that is what he did for a while, bluntly slashing the air in Haitang’s vicinity, not even coming close. He did not want to harm or deliver the lightest of bruises to Haitang, so he continued to do this for a while, where the furthest extent of his attacks would only make her clothes flutter.

What kind of technique was this? Well, this was inspired by a singer from his past life, Wu Bai, who always had a number of electric fans positioned below the stage blowing cool air on him. It was like when Stephen Chow would use fans to create special effects in his films to make it look like the actors’ sleeves were moving.

Haitang’s clothes were ruffled like clouds and she was visibly smiling in between each gust. Alongside the water stream that adorned the palace’s hall, she could have been mistaken for a fairy lost in the wind. She would raise her arms to point east, and then west, and then in all manners of different directions. She feigned to fight like a real palace girl would.

They had been fighting for a while, but there had yet to develop the sight of smoke, sparks or even fire, as was traditionally expected in the clashing of two powerful zhenqi energies. Neither of them wanted to spill each other’s blood, so gently did they continue. It could be compared to the vegetarian food served at temples, which was boring enough to make people vomit.

Even the young eunuch could see that these two masters were indeed faking their combat. That’s not to mention all the high-ranking officers and nobles within the hall that were each and all thinking the same thing. Chancellors had seen through their facade a long time ago, but they did not expect to see them continue with the farce and truly falsify a whole battle, in complete disregard of the monarchy.

Empress Dowager stared at the stage that had been established in the hall, and seeing the flickering shadows of the two who ought to have been fighting, she couldn’t help but groan. She did not lose her temper outright, but if one looked close enough, one could see the wrinkles of her eye portray a look of frustration. On the contrary, however, the young emperor who watched Haitang and Fan Xian deliver their act, suspended in mid-air, was delighted.

Lang Tao’s face was calm as he watched them both fight. From first-hand experience, he knew that Fan Xian was falsifying the inaccuracy of attacks, but he could see the moves he was actually employing were real and took extreme skill to perform. One strike in particular was called the Coffin-Breaker technique. This was a legendary ability, devised by the Ye family of the southern Qing Kingdom. How could someone who possessed the surname Fan have learned it?

The rest of the onlookers could not help but feel disappointed at their display. They had watched for so long, many began yawning. A eunuch in the front shook his head and asked, “How long will this fight go on for? Neither of them will win or lose, anyway.”

Wang Qinian felt a pang of shame and said, “I think it won’t be long before someone calls it off.”

The young eunuch couldn’t believe what he was seeing and said, “All these officers that are present here today are smart and civilized, so it’s not as if they’d all begin yelling to call it off.”

Wang Qinian began to argue with the eunuch and made a bet with the young fellow as to when the two dancers on stage would put an end to their performance. Several people that were beside them took notice of this little quarrel, and so they joined in too; each partaking in the wager. One bet a box of sea urchins, and another bet two cucumbers. And so that’s how it went, for there were numerous people betting upon different foods of the banquet.

“Ridiculous!”

At long last, a chancellor who had watched Empress Dowager’s expression sink further and further into frustration, slammed the table and angrily said, “This is Empress Dowager’s birthday; how dare you both slander it with deceit! Are you honestly trying to fool Her Majesty?”

These words were not pretty, and the chancellor himself had demonstrated great disrespect by rudely shouting. No matter how ugly the world had become, it was said, whoever begins shouting at a festivity must be a spiteful person. Fan Xian and Haitang were fooling around, yes, but provided no one made a scene, the Empress Dowager herself was still willing to sit and watch. Even though it was her birthday, no harm was done by the viewing of two talented youths putting on a show.

And so with the chancellor yelling that they were cheating the monarchy, would this possess the vitriol to incite the Empress Dowager to anger? No, not at all. But as she looked upon the rude chancellor, her heart curdled with a desire to tear the lips from his face.

The Emperor was still laughing.

Fan Xian and Haitang continued their facade, ignoring the words of the chancellor that had soured the mood. Haitang began dodging as Fan Xian pushed forward. She had an elegant figure and Fan Xian possessed a pretty face, so it wasn’t a too bad of a sight to keep one’s eyes on. The entirety of the fight thus far had been on the stage, and now they decided to leave it and fight a few meters away from the throne. They moved around quite a bit after this and, after a while, they decided to pay the boorish chancellor a visit.

Fan Xian’s hand rose at one point, and he looked to bring it down upon his table with a terrifying blow, but with an audible “Oops”, he missed the target.

Haitang leapt into the air, but her maneuvers were quite slow and dull. She had two fingers raised, as if she was going to descend and drive them through Fan Xian’s chest.

Somehow, in the blink of an eye, both the fighters had switched positions and the gust of wind that was to be delivered met no recipient – it just kept going.

Ahead was that crude chancellor’s seat.

When Fan Xian and Haitang deployed their skills in unison, even the grandmaster Ku He could not withstand such a blow.

The low table shattered into a thousand miniscule splinters. The bottles of alcohol on the table were destroyed and all the dishes there were smashed to pieces. Strangely, the drink and saucers of the banquet were all lifted, directed, and thrown at the chancellor who had insulted them previously. When the airborne wreck settled, a single vegetable hung from his eyebrow, enoki mushrooms decorated his ear, and a carrot protruded from his mouth. To make the sight of him that much worse, he was also drenched in soup.

The hall was silenced. The officers in the hall knew that Lady Haitang and the southern commissioner were the masters of horseplay, and to not upset Empress Dowager, they held their tongues.

With the silence, Fan Xian and Haitang stopped. They stood a mere few steps away from each other, and they smiled joyfully.

Haitang looked towards the Empress Dowager and said, “Mister Fan’s Coffin-Breaker technique is too powerful. I could not defend against it and so I deflected it towards that chancellor’s table. Please forgive me!”

Fan Xian acted in a self-deprecating manner also, saying “Even graceful horses stumble on occasion!”

Empress Dowager loved Haitang, so she did not harbor any animosity towards her. And since it was her birthday, a little bit of goofing about to lighten the atmosphere was a good thing. She didn’t say a word to Fan Xian, but in response to his post-performance humility, she gave a smile of appreciation.

The emperor was beaming with joy, and all the officers of the room began laughing at the antics that had just unraveled before them. Only the real fighters could acknowledge the great care and deliberation that went into the performance Haitang and Fan Xian had put on for them. The execution of the Coffin-Breaker technique was made to look extremely clumsy, but the lethality of the move was still there in full display. Haitang’s sword-finger technique looked gentle, but that too possessed tremendous force. And though it was done as if it were a merry dance, it was made to look as if Fan Xian lost.

When the fight ended, sunlight was still coming in through the skylights of the ceiling. Fan Xian and Haitang stood in a particular sunbeam, and both of them looked beautiful and gloriously incandescent. In the water, the sunbeam was reflected, giving the image of a bright lamp.

That fight had been a humorous one, indeed.

But now the day was fading, and the night now sought to shroud the palace in darkness. The moon was half-risen, but it was enough to shine through and illuminate the northern Qi’s palace grounds. The long black eaves and the grey and white walls of the palace looked ever more beautiful during the nighttime.

During this time, the officers began to take leave of the hall. Around the palace, garrisons of officers decorated the walls in absolute protection of the monarchy’s abode. Many eunuchs lined up along the road leading out of the palace and it wasn’t long before everyone had left, leaving the palace quiet once more. In the plaza, there was nary a soul in sight. In the time it would take to burn through a single incense stick, everyone had departed.

Following the big banquet, the Empress Dowager was rubbing her temples as she returned to her chamber. Fan Xian, however, was requested to remain and wait in Huaying Palace by the Emperor himself. The palace was extremely quiet, and numerous scented candles tintilated his nostrils as Fan Xian waited. It crossed his mind to think that the Emperor should have been with his mother now, so he was perplexed as to why he was asked to wait around here.

The chambermaids brought him tea and fruit to ease the wait, to which Fan Xian smiled and thanked them all. He thought they were strikingly charming. They looked shy, and this made Fan Xian’s heart pound.

But when Fan Xian thought of the Emperor making him wait all alone in the palace at night, and thinking of the Emperor’s tendency to not really care much for the building of relationships with other women, Fan Xian quivered.

“The Emperor has matters that need to be dealt with; those that could benefit from your aid.” There was a lady beside Fan Xian, and it appeared as if she shared the same concerns that he did. What she had just spoken of, however, was said calmly. It was Haitang who was speaking. Fan Xian stayed in the palace as a guest, so it was only natural for her to be somewhat of a host. She was reflecting upon what they did together in the hall earlier that day, and thought it was tremendously funny. It seemed as if whenever they were together, the two would always become involved in a series of absurd events.

Fan Xian smiled, but did not respond.

A eunuch began shouting something outside the palace, and a hurried chorus of footsteps could be heard quickly approaching Huaying Palace. Fan Xian wondered what was happening. What could the emperor possibly desire of me? He is the emperor; aside from ruling the whole world, is there anything he could not do without my aid?

As Fan Xian continued to question himself, the emperor arrived and stepped into the palace. As he approached, he signaled to Haitang and Fan Xian that there was no need for formal greetings, and he then used his right hand to throw his coat into the arms of a eunuch. The emperor was now only wearing a thin layer of clothing. The emperor reclined upon a sofa, lifting his legs to allow a eunuch to remove his boots; to which the eunuch carefully did. Only thin socks remained on his feet.

Perhaps Haitang was used to seeing this private, informal side of the Emperor, for she did not look concerned. Fan Xian, however, did. The Qing Kingdom’s emperor would never reveal this side of himself to anyone else; but there was the Qi Kingdom’s emperor getting uncomfortably comfortable on the couch. Fan Xian looked upon his chest and feet twice.

Neither big, nor small.

His chest was not big and his feet were not small.

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