Lazy Dungeon Master

My… Secret Plan…

“Oi, Kehmaaa, what’re you doing, getting my daughter drunk like that?”

“Sorry. She said she was good with alcohol so I prepared some good alcohol for her, but I didn’t think she’d end up dead drunk.”

Before me was an empty barrel and a flame dragon laying on its back like a drunkard, as well as a certain salamander as her guardian. Ontentoo, the guardian, appeared when I called for him, thankfully.

Looks like the way to defeat dragons from Japanese myths (through alcohol) appears to work in this world too. Hahaha, Japanese myths are this world’s cheats! Just kidding…

“… Man, I tried stopping her, but stopping her in her flame dragon form was impossible.”

“Yeeeah… Maybe if she were in her human form, but… oh, Kehma, are you stronger than a minotaur?”

“No? But wait, why?”

“Ah, I was wondering if maybe it would’ve turned out different. Igni’s still stronger than a minotaur even in her human form, after all.”

The heck. She could’ve ripped me apart if things went bad, seriously.

“Still though, Kehma. What’re you planning now? She’s not gonna wait up till morning, and good luck waking her up, she gets rough.”

“… There’s a chance that she’ll be attacked by the hero if she gets rowdy… hmm.”

“Should I ask Redra to be a stand-in? Humans shouldn’t be able to tell the difference between them yeah?”

“… Red dragons and flame dragons look too different, even for us humans. It wouldn’t work.”

“Really? Ah well, guess so. But they act like each other, like their habits. They felt so in sync getting out of their magma bath yesterday, like a real mother daughter duo.”

“You’re proud of your wife and daughter, I get it.”

Telling me they wipe their bodies off the same way is troubling. In various meanings.

… So, what should I do? Should I wait until she wakes up?

Or should I call for everyone since they’d probably come in before then?

There’s also the fact that the alcohol smell will fade if I wait till she wakes up.

Hmmm. I really don’t want to wake up someone when they’re sleeping as peacefully as that, but I guess I have to…?

“Alright Ontentoo, you wake her up. I don’t want to get crushed.”

“Yeah… well, guess it’s all we can do. Oi, Igni, get up.”

Ontentoo shook Igni’s body with his foreleg.

Bang.

Her tail, thicker than a log, struck Ontentoo.

“Ouch, come on. Get up, Igni.”

[Ugyaoo… three more… hours…]

However, Ontentoo merely caught her tail with his body, not looking jostled at all.

Yep, shaking her would’ve been impossible if it were me, let alone taking her tail head on and continuing.

I looked at Meat, who was standing beside me… I wonder if she could’ve? No, still, no way. I wouldn’t even want to try it out since it might kill her.

“More like, Ontentoo, are you alright?”

“This… this is my pride. I gotta show her my dignity as her father.”

“Pretty different from your usual then? You’re always so flirty with Redra.”

“… Oof… don’t talk about that right now…”

Igni turned over, letting out a flame as she breathed out. Even so, Ontentoo continued eagerly trying to wake her up as Meat and I looked on from the corner of the room. We were sitting down with our arms around our knees in front of us just trying to not get in the way.

… Igni’s claw marks and breath were starting to cover the boss room’s floor. It was more like a record of Ontentoo’s hardships.

Yep. I would’ve been in trouble if Ontentoo weren’t here. Meat and I never would’ve been able to get her up. Would we even leave bones behind if we took one of those breaths?

“Hey, won’t this turn into dealing damage to the dungeon core if it goes bad? Are you really okay?”

“Shut up! A father won’t die from his adorable daughter tossing in her sleep! I mean yeah my body’s wounds are from her, but… alright just wake up!”

[Migyah!?]

Being a father’s tough…

Bang!

Just as I thought that, there was an explosion on Igni’s head that would’ve caused a human’s neck to erupt with something similar to ketchup.

[Ueh… that hurt, papa… uuu…]

“Alright, you’re up? You got drunk again, are you alright?”

[Nn… my head’s pounding… uhh, what was it called…?]

“A hangover—oh well. Just hold it back, you gotta run.”

[Ummm…. oh, oh yeah, I had to escape, huh?]

“Oooi, Kehmaaa! Looks like it’s alright!”

Seriously? But there was so much suspense.

“Let’s see… alright, Meat. Please get the rope out of your [Storage].”

“Yes, Goshujin-sama.”

With that, Meat took a collapsible platform cart and rope out of her [Storage].

It’d be great if we could bind Igni up in the rope directly, but…

Thinking about it, Igni shouldn’t be able to move, so we have to put her on the platform cart first… and Meat and I couldn’t lift her giant body.

… I’m also worried about the thing’s weight limit. Rather, can I even pull her outside on it? Maybe Wataru could manage it somehow?

“Igni, please get on the platform cart. Your body’s way too heavy for us to carry.”

[Aaah, oooh? I’ll just… go to my human form…]

“Oh, no, just ride it normally—”

Igni went to her human form as she spoke. It was the little dragon-human form I saw when I met her.

“Fuaaah… ‘kay, niiiight…”

Saying that, she curled herself up on the cart and fell asleep. Without changing back into a dragon.

“… Umm. Ontentoo, is this okay…?”

“Heck if I know… probably not?”

Ontentoo tried tapping her on the head, but Igni didn’t even stir.

“… Looks like it’d take a while to get her up this time.”

“Yeah…”

“Should I ask Redra to substitute in after all?”

“No way, that definitely wouldn’t work.”

What should I do?

Just then, Meat opened her mouth.

“… Goshujin-sama. How about calling in Ichika and the others as is?”

“As is, you mean… like how she is now? With her looking like a girl sleeping on a cart?”

“Yes… I think… I think her strength is obvious just by looking at her. She is a true dragon. And, well, Wataru is na?ve, so…”

I see, I get what Meat’s wanting to say.

Wataru is na?ve. That is, he couldn’t even find it in himself to take down Rin—the black wolf that occupied our dungeon for a time—because it could talk.

And this is a young girl that looks like a human. There’s no way he’d just suddenly kill her.

He’ll probably say something about wanting to negotiate when she wakes up. Heck, I’ll say it if Wataru somehow doesn’t.

Then we can just have Igni surrender and run off…

“… Can you really see how strong she is just by sight? She just looks dead drunk to me though?”

“Wataru definitely will. Gozoh, Roppu, and Ichika will too, probably.”

I can’t see how, but they’ll probably see it if Meat says they will.

“Hmm, well, in that case, Igni probably won’t die.”

“So it’s good? In that case, I’m going to head back. Kehma, I’ll leave the rest to you yeah?”

Saying that, Ontentoo got up and moved to leave as he struck my shoulder?, but I called out for him to stop.

“Hold up, Ontentoo… there’s still something I’m worried about. There’s a possibility that Igni might say something when she wakes up…”

“… Yeah… Kehma, you should be able to come up with something, yeah?”

“Depending on the situation, sure, but I’d like to prepare a little… help, Ontentoo.”

“If it’s for my daughter, nothing’s too expensive, what do you need?”

“Please prepare a trap that’ll hit her with something to keep her from speaking, a switch activated kind. And just in case there’s an emergency, I—”

I held a preparatory meeting with Ontentoo (for the second time that day) before I called Wataru and the others in.

… Seriously, this isn’t going to plan at all. Sheesh.

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