“Hello,” Irina whispered.
He didn’t respond.
“Your name is Roman, right?” she asked. “Why don’t you come out?”
After a silent moment, the leaves moved, and he made his way out.
A black wolf with white tufts. His fiery eyes stood out even more in this form. Irina found him beautiful.
“You are a brave wolf,” she said. “Alpha Gorn does not usually allow members of other packs to wander these woods outside their human form.”
It was true. Gorn was particularly controlling of his lands. He insisted that only Spring wolves be allowed to shift within his territory. But it was also true that Gorn would not come into these woods without reason.
But Irina wanted to see her son’s face, hear his voice. So, she stretched the truth just a little.
The wolf lowered his eyes.
“Here,” Irina called, grabbing the blanket she had been sitting on. She stood and brought it closer to him. “You can put that on if your clothes are not close by. I will turn around.”
Irina turned away from him. She heard the telltale sounds of an early shifter. He likely had only gotten his wolf within the past few months. He let out a few soft groans and a growl.
He made a coughing sound to let her know that he was done. She turned and looked at him.
He was tall.
She smiled as she looked at him with pride. A handsome boy, a curious child. She couldn’t help but wonder what it was he was hiding from.
“Why were you in the bushes, Roman?” she asked.
Roman’s body went rigged.
She could see how hard he clenched his jaw.
“I won’t be angry,” she said. “I promise.”
Roman swallowed. He raised his eyes to hers. She gave him another warm smile.
“Come,” she said, making a spot for him beside her. “Sit with me.”
Roman slowly moved toward her.
Though he still had not spoken a word to her, she already felt a joy like she had never known or expected. She was with her son, close enough to touch him.
“So, can you tell me what you were looking for out here?” she asked.
Roman looked anywhere but at her, staring down at the ground. He finally spoke.
“I’m not supposed to be here,” he said.
“I know,” she laughed. “So why are you?”
Roman chewed his lower lip.
“I remembered you,” he said.
Irina’s heart stopped for a brief moment.
“What?”
“I came here once. I was hiding from… someone,” Roman said, lifting his eyes to her. “You were right here then too.”
“I remember,” she whispered.
Irina swallowed.
“Why did you want to find me?” she asked.
‘Did he know who she was? Had he found out?’
“You were pretty,” he said.
Irina couldn’t stop the giggle that left her lips. A blush crept over Roman’s face.
“That is very kind of you, Roman.”
“I’m not kind,” he said.
“Oh? Why do you say that.”
“Do you want to know?” he asked.
“I do, very much,” she replied.
Roman stood up, holding the blanket tightly around him. He went back to the bush, motioning for her to follow, and so she did.
He stared down at the ground, and she followed the direction of his eyes.
There on the ground was a bird with its neck broken.
“Did you do this?” she asked, crouching down to look at the bird.
“Yes,” he replied without hesitation.
Irina recognized the type of bird, the same kind as the early riser.
“Why did you kill this bird, Roman?” she asked.
“It was bothering you,” he said quietly.
Irina smiled to herself. It was troubling behavior. But she couldn’t help but feel the joy at his concern for her.
“You’re right,” she said. “I enjoy the quiet mornings, and he rose earlier than he should have. I was bothered by his chirping.”
Roman nodded.
“But,” Irina continued. “We can’t just hurt the things that bother us.”
“Why not?” he asked very seriously.
She smiled up at him.
“Because if I did that, then there would be no one left.”
***
Over the next few years, Roman was called to Spring from time to time. Gorn had allowed Holden his creature, and Roman was brought to be a playmate.
It angered Irina.
Her son was not good enough to be a part of his pack but good enough to be the toy of a monster.
Irina, however, was not even allowed to be within the territory when Roman visited.
But her son was clever. He had snuck out many times to meet with her. They had become friends over the years.
Roman still struggled with his demons, and Holden encouraged them in him. With Tomas rejecting the boy at every turn, he looked to Holden as some kind of father replacement. It didn’t help that Roman seemed to care a great deal for Holden’s daughter.
She tried to help him understand that he didn’t need to hurt anyone. And for a time, it seemed like he was listening.
One afternoon, they sat together by the lake. Roman had been upset about Alice; she had been changed again. But she didn’t know his name this time and seemed afraid of him. He was upset, worried that Alice did not want him around anymore.
After talking for a long time and then just enjoying the silence together, Roman grabbed Irina’s hand.
“Are you alright?” she asked.
“You and Alice…” Roman whispered. “You are the only people that actually care about me.”
“Oh, I’m sure that’s not–”
“It’s true,” Roman interrupted. “My father pretends I am not his son. Holden only liked me for a little while. But you and Alice… you don’t hate me, even when you should.”
Irina wasn’t sure what to say. She wanted to comfort him, to reassure him. But how could she? She was well aware of the truth about her son. He was not normal, and though he tried not to, he did enjoy hurting things and people.
Before she could think too much about it, he moved his thumb along her wrist, applying gentle pressure.
“What are you doing?” Irina asked with a soft laugh.
“Why does your heartbeat make me feel calm?” he asked. “Alice’s scent is… special to me. But your heartbeat… it calms me.”
Irina swallowed, feeling panic rising inside of her.
“And why do you get scared when I ask you things like this?” he asked.
She heard the hurt in his voice. She hated it. Irina sat up and took a deep breath. After almost thirteen years, she couldn’t keep it a secret anymore.
“Roman,” she said. “There is something you need to know, but something I have been afraid to tell you.”
He sat up and looked away from her.
“No, Roman, I am not afraid of you,” she clarified. “I am afraid you will not want to see me anymore.”
“Why?” he asked.
“I have asked you to keep it a secret that we have known each other all these years. There is a reason for that. It’s the same reason that you know my heartbeat, and I know yours,” she smiled. “Roman, I am your–”
“Irina!” An angry voice shouted.
Irina looked up just as he grabbed her by the back of her hair and pulled her to stand. She let out protest cries and tried to tear away from him. But the sound of Roman’s voice stopped her from fighting too hard.
“Let her go!” he shouted, getting to his feet.
“Roman! No!” she shouted. If he attacked Gorn, he would be killed immediately.
“How dare you defy me!” Gorn shouted angrily, slapping her across the face with the back of his hand. “I’ll make sure you remember who your master is!”
He raised his arm to slap her again, but Roman growled.
“Leave her alone!”
“Roman! Stop!” Irina shouted through tears. “Do not interfere!”
“But… he’s hurting you….”
Gorn pulled her up, bringing his lips to her ears. “If he doesn’t leave on his own now, I will make sure he can’t.”
Irina let out a soft cry.
“Go away, Roman!” she cried. “This is none of your business!”
“Irina…” Roman whispered.
“Just go away, you stupid child!” she shouted. “Can’t you tell when you are not wanted!?”
The look of hurt crossed his eyes. He clenched his jaw and left.
Gorn beat her bloody that day. He broke several of her ribs and punctured her lung. All because Holden found out that Irina had met with Roman.
She was locked in her room for the next two weeks with barely any food or drink. Every night and every morning, she cried.
Not because of the beating, starvation, or imprisonment. But because she had pushed away the only person in this world she wanted to have beside her.
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