Chapter 74 - Karmic splooge
Ben was proud of his no-hands no-scope c.u.mshot... ’One shot...one kill...’
Not only did he hit the bullseye, but he conserved ammo. ’Rechargeable protein bullets...’
He believed they possessed magical properties, possibly used on JFK...
Despite being on the leaderboards now, Ben believed it was more important to learn lessons from the experience so he could succeed again. Today, he learned something important. ’So it turns out going for a kiss once or twice isn’t enough sometimes, you might even have to do it many times.’ Ben knew his persistence was a major factor in his hookup with Lia. He was glad he pushed through.
’Even though we didn’t go all the way, I’m sure I got some nice achievements. Should I look at my alerts?’ Ben received many alerts when he was with Lia. ’No, I don’t want to check them here. It’s getting late. Might as well do it at home.’ As he prepared to go inside, a familiar face walked out to the smoking area.
With a pack of cigarettes in his hand, Tyler stood in place for a moment as he gawked at Ben. Then he laughed. "It’s you...forever alone huh?"
Ben snorted. ’I haven’t seen this guy since I embarrassed him at the gym some weeks ago. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me this pool of jello’s here...since Domina’s so close to the dorm.’ Several weeks ago, Tyler’s provocation would’ve agitated Ben, but now? He viewed Tyler as below him. It would be like getting mad at a small barking dog. That’s why Ben only walked past him, not having the time or interest to argue with this random c*ckbroker...
As Ben left, he didn’t notice that two seductive green eyes shimmering within a sea of red hair were watching him from an upstairs window. They gazed at Ben’s back with intrigue as he disappeared inside the bar. Then, losing all interest in the scene, they faded back within the dark interior...
Tyler gazed at Ben’s back. Sneering, he walked over to the wall to get shelter from the wind so he could light a cigarette. When he arrived, he sniffed the air. ’Why does it smell like a swimming pool?’
...
He shook his head, taking out a cigarette and putting it in his mouth. "Damn wind." Unable to light it due to a sudden strong gust, he moved closer to the wall. ’I’m surprised that dork was here. He’s lucky I haven’t looked for him, since I still owe him for that gym incident. I should think of a nice payback to make him my bitc—Ahhh!"
As Tyler contemplated the dao of douche...his foot slipped out from under him, sending him crashing onto his back.
*Thud*
"...Ah, f*ck." It hurt but he was uninjured. As he posted his arms on the ground to get up, he touched something sticky... Scrunching his face, he brought his hand in front of him and observed it. Still unsure, he took a whiff... That’s when his face turned pale. "IT’S JIZZZZZZZZ!"
...
As it turned out, he did take damage. It was a morale attack...
***
[Congratulations! You’ve unlocked the Achievement: P.e.n.i.s Fly Trap(fine) - Have a competing adventurer fall into your set physical trap]
[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 500]
When Ben wasn’t far from the doorway, he received a sudden achievement alert. Surprised, he checked it. He squinted, contemplating for a while on why he received this. He wasn’t aware that Tyler had gone out of the butt and into the f*ck...having fallen prey to an elaborate trap created using karmic jizz and troll physics...
After a while of not being able to put solve this riddle, Ben dismissed the screen and put it aside, continuing into the bar instead. When he reached the dancefloor, a new track came on the speakers: "S.e.xual Eruption" by Snoop Dogg.
...
That’s when Ben got another alert.
[Congratulations! You’ve unlocked the Achievement: Customized Screams of Pain(uncommon) - Have an identified dungeon character of at least mini-boss level change the dungeon’s mood music for you]
[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 200]
’A pleasant surprise.’ Ben peered at the DJ booth and saw the hero who put up the assist; Theodore was spinning behind the tables but gave Ben a gesture of greeting. Ben returned a wave. ’He looks busy, I won’t bother him now...’
Ben also glimpsed Lia with Sarah sitting at their table, chatting amongst a group of people. Lia’s mood was much improved. They locked glances for a moment and soon broke eye contact, not wanting to attract attention. Ben smiled, still thinking about his conquest...
He was satisfied but also exhausted from all the opening and the final success. ’I shouldn’t stay here anymore. The bar’s going to close soon and it would be a loss if Lia noticed me talking to other girls.’ Even though Lia wasn’t his girlfriend, and even was dating someone else, he thought it would be bad if she saw him hitting on other girls right after hooking up with her. Beluga had told him women could be hypocritical about things like that. Ben knew better than to doubt sage jizdom...
He also lacked the energy to talk to girls outside. ’It’s time to go home and sleep.’ Despite only having a few days left before his potential execution, Ben knew he would have sweet dreams tonight; dreams about a s.e.xy girl with white hair, and her even s.e.xier sister—the goddess of PUA points.
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