Chapter 82 - Chuuni showdown
2 days to live.
Sometimes a night can be so uneventful, it almost feels like it never happened...
That’s how Ben’s night was yesterday. After the mall, he hopped the local bars solo. However, it was slow and he didn’t run into good opportunities. He managed to get a couple of numbers but nothing he was optimistic about. Yet, it didn’t discourage Ben because he, like the best students, focused on the future—his date with Katie today. He kept that in mind to stay optimistic, because well, the other hot topic in mind was his impending execution...
As the timer counted down, it increased his anxiety and desperation, a fact he could only hope wouldn’t interfere with his date. ’It’s too bad I don’t have time for therapy... Of course, the bigger issue is that therapists don’t exist in stories...unless it’s to get banged by Lucifer...or dreampied by Tony Soprano...’
Ben spread a helpless smile. ’It’s tough for MCs...we don’t want to do crazy things, but what can you expect when no one stops to check on our mental health...’
At the moment, it was evening and he was walking up to the front of a book megastore near his dorm. ’This is it. I’ve arrived to the sect library to choose my first battle skill...’ Even from outside, dozens of rows of books and aspiring readers were visible through the glass display. This continued for several floors. Ben stepped inside, feeling the temperature upgrade from early Autumn to room, as the light sounds of turning pages and mellow chatting tickled his ears.
He made his way through the paper landscape until he reached the escalator, which he stepped onto. Riding it up, the scenery on the second floor revealed itself to him. Right away, he glimpsed the view he came here to see--a waterfall of waist-length pink hair mantled the back of a girl poking through a literature isle.
Ben approached her. ’The odds of her turning around and being an ugly old woman with similar hair can’t be too high right... Whether it’s God or Satan in the writer’s room tonight, they should at least have better material than that...’
The girl turned, exposing her left cheek to Ben, displaying a star-shaped birthmark. It reassured him. ’Ok, it’s her, unless there’s a reunion here for the Joestar family...’
Ben strolled towards her, watching her pick up and flip through a manga she picked up at random. Yes, this bookstore included large manga and anime sections, as well as a cafe, which is why he chose it, having remembered that Katie liked anime.
"Katie," Ben greeted her.
She turned around, providing a new viewing angle for Ben to notice the lollipop in her mouth. Discovering Ben, she put back the Mirai Nikki manga as a cheerful smile bloomed on her face. It surprised Ben when she pulled out the lollipop, jumped in for an enthusiastic hug, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
Ben suppressed his little brother’s ambitions as his hands held her narrow waist, and his chest felt her large D cup b.r.e.a.s.ts. Her thick navy blue sweater provided no barrier. Ben mused, ’It’s like the world’s best chest condom, you feel everything...’
’Wait, I almost forgot, condoms don’t exist in stories either...unless it’s a plot point.’ He turned pale. ’Damn, I should shut up unless I want that to happen...’
When Katie pulled back, she put the lollipop back in her mouth, bringing Ben’s attention to her luscious full red lips offset by her pale skin. His eyes dilated at the sight of those large lips sucking that lollipop. ’Thank you Verizon for installing DSL...’
Then he watched her give the lollipop another suck. ’No, she’s qualified to upgrade to broadband...’
Realizing he’d been staring at her for too long, Ben coughed. "What flavor is that?"
She replied, "Lemon, I like the sweet ones."
Ben nodded. ’Taste profile generating...’
The two started to chat as they strolled the manga isles, learning about each other and discussing the various works around. Ben’s eyebrows rose at a gradual rate as he discovered a shocking fact—she knew more about manga and anime than him! "You seem to know a lot..." he said.
"I should." She giggled. "I work at a manga cafe that belongs to my fam."
Ben didn’t expect she would take her background to 11... "Is one of your parents Japanese?"
"Nope, dad’s just an otaku."
Ben’s expression became solemn. ’So this is the ancestor’s daughter...’ He creased his eyebrows. ’I hope she isn’t a secret martial arts master from an ancient family...Going by my novels, I need to be careful because they’re everywhere...’
"There’s something important I gotta ask ya," Katie said out of the blue. She squared up with Ben. "Before this date gogos further, I need to make sure of something." Her body language became serious as she crossed her arms.
Ben swallowed. ’I think I know where she’s going with this...Should I lie and tell her I’m Jewish?’
...
Katie narrowed her eyes, so narrow...that it looked like she was sleeping...
Ben held his breath. ’Is she a narcoleptic? ...Should I wake her up?
The atmosphere became deadly silent.
In the corner of Ben’s eye, he thought he saw a tumbleweed roll by...
It was the signal! Katie’s eyes opened ultra wide! Like flood gates! Like floor to ceiling space doors! She was for real now! It was super intimidating guys!
...
She asked Ben, "What do you prefer?" Her eyes once again became as sharp as triple-wielded samurai swords..."Dubs...or subs?!?"
...
Ben’s mind raced to find the safe path. ’What’s the right answer? I understand both sides of the argument... Dubs mess up the voices but subs take away from appreciating the animation... No, I’m thinking about it wrong. What would she choose?’ He entered contemplation.
On the side, some otakus overheard the conversation:
"Her otaku cultivation is a much higher realm. He’s hopeless..."
"This junior ran into the wrong opponent. Pity, pity..."
"Sigh. The heavens are jealous of the talented..."
Ben glanced at the disbelieving audience. " I can hear you bastards! This isn’t a tournament! Go away!"
Turning back to Katie, his eyes radiated enlightenment. Ben lowered his head. "Dubs or subs is it?"
He placed his hand on his face, then raised his gaze to meet hers, giving her a haughty stare through the cracks of his fingers. "I choose...Neither!"
Katie glared at him. "What is the meaning of this?"
Ben returned a slow chuckle. "Nice try...but the correct answer...is manga!"
Silence radiated through the book store!
The nearby otakus gasped in unison!
A fat kid’s glasses cracked in one lens!
...
Katie gazed at Ben with her jaw dropped in disbelief. Yet, after a long time, she smiled. "Congratulations. You’re the first to pass the great Otaku sphinx’s riddle..."
Ben wiped the sweat off his forehead. ’That was close. I’m lucky I remembered she works at a manga cafe. Otherwise, the result could have been horrifying—solo masturbation...’
After that, Katie became even more cheerful. She jumped left and right through the manga isles, chatting Ben’s ear off about her favorite mangas and opening up to him. Sometimes Ben would give a contradictory opinion, which she elevated to melodrama, pouting and debating him on the virtues of her favorite works and characters.
At one point, Ben’s mind drifted off while his hand was rummaging through some anime and he pulled out a DVD at random.
"Oh, you like that, huh?" Katie asked wide-eyed.
Ben looked at his hand. It was a copy of Junjou Romantica...a famous yaoi anime.
...
Ben’s face turned green... ’Not good...’
He looked at Katie and released a nervous laugh. "My hand slipped. I meant to grab something else." He put it back in haste, and speed-walked a few steps away from the yaoi section, out of danger. He grabbed something in the new area.
Katie raised an eyebrow. "Oh, so you meant to grab...Tentacle and Witches?"
Ben glanced at his hand. It was a cover of a half-n.a.k.e.d girl, whose private parts were unexposed only because they were wrapped by a green slimy tentacle monster...
...
That’s when Ben understood he wandered into the hentai section...
Realizing this could kill the date, he panicked, feeling his heart trying to break out from his chest. ’My only chance is to confuse her...I know! I’ll use those concepts I learned in that creative writing class." With a studious expression, he turned to Katie. "There’s a lot of character development in this one. People also underestimate the thematic value of addressing the societal biases on human/tentacle relations..."
...
Ben’s body wouldn’t move, but his mind was cursing at full speed. ’A TENTACLE WITH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?!? HUMAN/TENTACLE RELATIONS?!? What the f*ck are they teaching me in that university?!?’
...
Katie scrutinized Ben for a long time... Then, she finally spoke. "I guess I can see your point. I read Gintama..."
...
Ben wanted to cry. ’Gintoki! You’re my savior!’
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