My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World

I don't know what it is about childhood memories that bring the worst out in all of us. Okay, no, I do, and I get it.

Everybody had their turn at being the walking embodiment of cringe and stupidity once. I don't doubt there's even a single being on this earth without a memory that'll have them instantly racing for the nearest rope and tree branch if ever invoked.

What I didn't get is why Irene wasn't the sole exception to this fundamental aspect of existence. Like you look at her just once, and you'd swear this woman just popped into the world without a singular flaw in both appearance and action.

But apparently, that wasn't the case at all.

"My, oh, my," Ria sniggered, gulping down her entire can and exhaling back out a breath full of deep reminiscent. "Like, where to even start? So many options. So many… tender moments, you know?"

Tender, so she says. Yet horrifying was the only sentiment I saw twisting and tearing through Irene's serene and stoic expression.

"I sense belligerence," Ria said, looking at her through a cheeky squint. "Or is that just plain ol' embarrassment?"

"I would sincerely appreciate it if we could not make tonight all about me, can we?" Irene said in a struggle for composure that she was rapidly losing ground on. "Tonight's your night - let's do our best to just keep to the occasion."

"Indeed it is my night, and since it is indeed MY night," she said with increasing emphasis. "I - that means me, the one the night belongs to - get to choose what I - me again, to clarify - would like to talk about in this night that belongs to me. Am I - who is me - understood? Or do you need me - who is also I - to run it by you again?"

"Ria, I swear - "

"Okay, that - "Suddenly she - who was Ria - then thrust a finger at Irene, swaying a little while holding back a belch that puffed away in her cheeks. "We'll start with that. Enough with 'Ria'. 'Ria', who? No, you call me 'Riri' like you used to."

Irene blinked, and as if in slow motion, I saw the invisible ripple of anguish, of pure unbridled agony… as her eyelids fell with an almost foreboding sense of finality.

"C'mon, you remember," Ria said, stretching her tone in a blatant melody of mockery. "You call me 'Riri' all the time. Aunty Riri, the one and only. And you came up with it all on your own too! I was so proud of you."

Aunty Riri. Okay, then. That's… I guess that is kinda cute.

"And then you'd make me call you 'Riri' too, right? remember?" she continued, and it was genuinely startling how fast Irene's face suddenly flooded with red. "Ria, Ruria - you loved that we matched! And - oh yeah! You would just completely ignore me if I didn't call you that. Like I did not exist, flat out! You'd get all grumpy and pouty - Ah, Divines, you were so cute!"

"Stop! It!" Irene hissed, her teeth clenched, and her eyes completely avoiding going anywhere close in my direction.

And I sorely wish she would, y'know? Even if just for a second. It's already rare enough seeing her blushing… gotta make every moment count.

"Then~ say~ the~ magic~ word~" Ria said airily. "Otherwise how would I know who you're talking to?"

"Forget about it."

"Fine, suit yourself," with a jerk of her head, Ria instantly locked onto me with eyes full of jubilance, and a smile brimming wide with chicanery. "Did you know Irene's favorite hobby used to be observing the shape and size of various animal genitals?"

I'm so glad I wasn't drinking. I'd have died. I'm also glad I wasn't eating either. I'd have died too.

"RIA!"

Irene slammed a hand against the table, rattling glass, toppling meatballs, and some of her lamb slid off, landing in a hard thud instead of a wet splat. She was halfway rising from her seat, almost looking like she was about ready to throw herself across the table, and honestly, with how deranged she looked… I decided to back away a couple of inches.

Y'know, just in case.

"It's a growth spurt kind of a thing for succubi, you know?" Ria went on happily, both blind and deaf to all going-ons currently going on. "Same with the boob fondling too. See, at some point in their youth, they tend to reach a peak in their sexual curiosity. Got them wanting to about all kinds of things. Kinda like puberty, but… more aggressive? Typically if raised in the right surroundings, it can be mitigated. But since Ruria here didn't get to grow up with her own kind, she had to find other means of… relief… 'know what I'm saying?"

I thought it was best that I didn't say anything. I never actually planned to since this whole trip down memory lane began. For Irene's sake, I thought.

But then, subtly, little by little, inch by inch, I noticed her head tilting in my direction… like she was waiting, anticipating… and suddenly I wasn't so sure as to what the right to do was anymore.

"Mmm," I said, stiffly nodding, doing my best to keep any sort of emotion out of my face. "Yes, um, very… very interesting."

"Oh, you think that's interesting?"

Like a panther on a prowl, Ria scurried her way closer my way and stopped just short beside me, her breath in my ear as if ready to spill a closely guarded secret.

"Did you know that a Succubus can tell when you're feeling horny?" she said, whispering far too loudly for any sort of secrecy. "They can sense it… almost taste it even. It's how they know when exactly to strike, especially against the more reserved, stubborn folks."

"Umm," I was just confused. Interesting tidbit and all, but not exactly noteworthy info. "That's nice, I guess."

Ria smirked.

"And the best part?"

There's a best part?

"When it comes to the certain special person a Succubus is attracted to," she said slowly, her words practically dripping in sticky, gooey glee. "That individual's pheromones can act as an aphrodisiac to the Succubus herself."

Oh.

Okay, now I get it.

"So, putting it short and sweet," Ria finished, flicking her gaze from me to Irene. "Whenever you're feeling horny… your lovely lover over here will always be twice as horny as you."

"R-Riri…" Irene muttered, hushed, defeated, and glowing as bright as the embers floating in the air. "Enough, please…"

Finally, her request fulfilled, Ria slowly crawled back to her place wearing a smile of champions.

"Sure, Riri," she answered back sweetly. "Anything you want, alright?"

Irene didn't even look the slightest relieved at that. Just tired. Very, very tired.

What kind of monster have we awoken?

"But this is good, you know?" Ria chimed up again, cracking open another can. "Opening up. Talking. And you especially!"

"Really?" Irene grumbled.

"Oh, don't even pretend. C'mon, hey," Ria briefly shot me a glance before throwing her nose up at her. "I bet you anything that you don't even tell him anything."

"Tell me what?" I asked.

"Exactly!" Ria jerked a hand toward my blank expression. "How you were, the things you've done - I shouldn't have to be the one telling him all your funny stories. That's your job!"

"They are not relevant," Irene said.

"Not relevant? Honey, they're you! Like all of you. Pretty relevant if you ask me. I'd wanna know more about you if I were him. Hell, ask him!"

But ask me, no one apparently decided to. Instead Irene just narrowed her lips, looked away, while Ria took a deep breath.

"But since it seems you're far too embarrassed to," she then threw back her drink, eyeing me as she gulped away, refueling herself, her lips, for more to say. "So, do you?"

Once more, Irene subtly-but-not-subly took a glimpse in my direction. Again, just waiting… just in suspense… only this time, however, I knew exactly what to do.

"What about her second favorite hobby?" I asked. "Did she have one?"

I heard a sigh on one side.

Saw a smile glowing in the other.

"Why, I'm glad you asked…"

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