Soul for a Girlfriend?

I was trying to avoid the situation that Shiraishi was looking forward to. But Shiraishi, being as blunt as ever, was quite persistent about it. With a serious look in her eyes, she smiled softly and said, "Don't play dumb. I know, you know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Alright… I would like to ask you something." I said, realising there was no way out for me from that situation. She looked at me curiously, and raised her eyebrows, "Eh? What?"

I pulled my hand out from her grip and grabbed her instead. She was startled, as it was the first time I was the one holding her hand. Turning around, I started walking towards our class. Her class was just next to mine.

  It was best to not stand in the hallway holding hands with a girl. It'll be troublesome if someone sees and then complains to both of our homeroom teachers. Of course, Shiraishi didn't care about these 'trivial' things.

I was also struck by the realisation that in the past few months; I have held the hand of so many girls that it was unbelievable. I did interact with girls, but not on a level where I could hold their hand.

The drastic change in my life was just difficult for me to wrap my head around.

As I was closing in on my classroom, I could hear the subtle noise of everyone chatting around coming from the slightly open door. Of course I had a free period but I couldn't say the same thing to her.

"What period do you have right now?" I asked her out of the blue as she looked at me in confusion and replied, "Geography."

"Are you skipp…" As I narrowed my eyes on her, she cut me off with a prompt answer, "Yes!"

"Shouldn't you be worrying about studies? Exams are closing in." I said in a calm tone, but she started chuckling as if I said something silly. In a carefree tone, she smiled and said, "Ahh… don't worry about them."

We were standing in front of my class. Luckily, the door shut, but not all the way. I could still hear people talking inside. I let go of her hand and turned towards her as she was looking at me with anticipation in her eyes.

"What is that you like about me?" Narrowing my eyes at her, I asked as she instantly replied, "Uhh… all of you."

This is a question I have asked to any girl who has ever asked me out. All of them always gave a vague answer like that. But I won't blame them because the question itself was vague in nature.

Of course when you like someone, or rather get attracted to them, it's difficult to pinpoint what feature of them attracts you. At that time, I recalled Lilith for some reason, which I thought was rather weird.

This contract was taking a toll on my sanity.

I just used to ask this so that they'll leave me alone.

Yes, I'm a certified piece of shit.

"That's a rather vague answer." I replied as she smiled at me and asked, "What did you want to hear then?"

"I wasn't actually expecting anything." I replied, as she raised her eyebrows and asked, "Why is that? You think it's weird for someone to like a person as a whole?"

"I never said that." I was taken aback slightly, as she was twisting my words against me. We stared at each other for a few moments as the silence between us grew louder.

"Are you... worried about my loyalty?" Her hesitant voice broke the silence between us. She was looking down towards the ground as her strands of ginger hair were hanging loose in front of my eyes. 

"To be honest with you… Yes." I replied, as she looked up at me with a wry smile on her face and said, "So you believe in the rumours. I see."

"What…?" I was a bit confused as I did not know which rumours she was talking about. I was indeed concerned about her loyalty because she kissed me while being in a relationship with some other dude. 

"See… if you don't want to, then I won't force you." She said in a trembling voice as it appeared like she was on the verge of crying.

"Wait… I didn't… are you good?" I asked as I noticed tears forming on the edge of her eyes. Her silence felt louder than ever as I realised that I unknowingly hurt her. Trying my best to console her, I apologised, "I'm sorry… don't cry."

But she started crying, as tears rolled down her cheeks. She wasn't looking at me, nor was she looking around. Her eyes were gazing down. I again apologize, "I didn't mean anything I said. Shiraishi… don't cry."

"Every...one is... similar." She said with clenched up fists, "You th...think I don't know about the rumours?"

"Everyone… believes them." She said in a low tone. Even though she was crying out of frustration, there wasn't even a whimper to be heard from her. Only her slow and trembling voice saying, "No one ever asked me!"

"Understood me!" She added as I looked around us to check if anybody was noticing, but fortunately, no one was around. She finally looked up at me.

Her eyes were filled with tears as they illustrated her agony. Her nose was red, as she raised her fist and proceeded to hit me on the chest, "You're the same too. I don't…"

As she hit me once, I raised my left hand as she closed her eyes and flinched back. Resting it on her head, I patted her as she looked up at me with surprise in her eyes. 

"I…" I couldn't find the right set of words, so I decided to keep quiet as she asked between her sobs, "Am I so messed up that you can't even think of dating me?"

"It's not like that," I said in a soft tone. It seems like this wasn't the first time something like this happened to her. 

"Then…" She asked as her shaking voice trailed off, and I replied with a smile, "We can make it if we try."

She was a messed up girl.

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