Soul for a Girlfriend?

I heard my dad's car and rushed to answer the door. Though I decided to take a different approach this time since my young mind thought that asking my mum just after she returned from job was a bad idea since she was tired and all.

Human mind is weird. It'll literally do anything to make one feel better about their reality.

I opened the door and noticed my dad looking down at me with his plain eyes. His face was mostly bland and expressionless. It was rarely when he smiled or showed any other emotion. He was intimidating.

I never had the greatest relationship with my dad. He rarely talked with me and I found it difficult to deal with his cold demeanor. He was quite a calm and level headed person though.

I don't know what I was thinking at that moment, that the idea of showing him a silly test paper seemed great to me.

He walked in while we exchanged a brief stare between us but none of us anything. Somewhere in my heart, there was a small hope that his reaction would be different than mum's.

But it was just baseless hopes.

Human mind was wired such that it would latch onto even the most illogical and slightest of hopes if it meant to fulfill one's expectations and sticking onto their beliefs.

Having baseless hope was the first step towards getting hurt.

I was no different at that point. My thought process was simply that my mum was tired so her reaction was lame. I just had to approach my dad a bit differently to get a good reaction out of him.

For that I waited patiently and acted completely normal at the dinner table. I was waiting for the moment to talk to him alone and tell him about it since he would be in a better state of mind to assess it.

It was night time and I noticed my dad sitting on the sofa while reading a book. My mum was busy in the kitchen so it was the perfect opportunity. I slowly walked up to him, "Dad, I have something to show you."

His eyes shifted towards and he asked in his usual plain tone, "Hmm? What is it, Sai?"

"Umm… it's my test paper. I aced it." I said while showing him the paper but his reaction was no different. He nodded and continued reading the book, "Hmm, good."

It wasn't the greatest conversation I had with him but I could tell that it wasn't like he didn't care. It was more like he couldn't show it. Back then I thought that it was terrible but as I grew up, I slowly started to understand my dad.

At the end of the day, it was nothing but a third grade class test.

I went up to my room and threw the paper in the dustbin. It meant nothing after all. But I later realised that it was quite a childish thing to do. Throwing tantrums like that was silly and immature.

From that young age, I ended up stopping depending upon others and expecting things from someone else depending on my mood. Asking of other's validation was nothing but an act of self gratification which boiled down to nothing but feeling good about oneself for a small moment.

Why would you need someone else to validate you?

It was quite contradictory of me since I thought that yet my entire existence slowly changed into trying to please my parents and seek their validation. Just a smile and a word of appreciation would've been enough.

I ended up trying my best to please them because I remember my sister's words. She told me to keep performing like that in order to please them, but I guess things were different for us.

My parents always appreciated her no matter what she did. It was a different matter that she always performed well. But at times when she couldn't, they had her back and cheered her up.

She was great at studies and athletics too. By the age of 16, she was a second dan black belt in karate. She was a beauty too and was loved by everyone. Well I wouldn't blame her since I loved her as well.

I was closer to her than my parents.

Though if I said that I wasn't jealous of her then I would be lying straight through my teeth.

There was a time when I ended up becoming really competitive with her. I used to compete with her in academics and sports too. She was a good sport, rather than being salty about it she ended up taking that opportunity to make things interesting between us.

It was one of the reasons why I'm relatively good at studies.

To keep up with her physically, I ended up joining a martial art too. Though I never reached the level of a second dan black belt. I was just a usual black belt with some ability to defend myself.

Now if it was my sister, she can keep very well in a fight. I have sparred with her so I know her capabilities, albeit at that moment she was holding back.

I still remember the time when it was sports day in middle school and I ended up coming first at quite a few events but my parents still didn't appreciate me. Though if I say that they weren't happy, it would be a lie.

I wonder how my life would've ended up if it wasn't for my sister. She was there for me when no one was or maybe because she already faced the things I was facing so she would empathize with me well.

I wonder if something was wrong with me or it's just them who were in the wrong.

Though I'm sure that my sister won't like the man that I've become now. I was well aware about what sort of person I was and how my actions affect others.

Truly a piece of shit.

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