Taming the Queen of Beasts

GAR

Gar took a deep breath and blew it out.  His chest felt tight—and not all from fear. Something had lifted within him.

Hope.

Then he imagined offering himself to Rika and her fleeing him, never to return.

His heart plummeted to his toes.

"Sounds like a blast," Gar said dryly.

His father huffed a laugh. "If the person you love does not receive you, it will feel like needles in your skin, and a spear in your heart. But guess what? When you offer love and do not allow yourself to be shamed for it you find freedom."

"Freedom from what?"

"From the fear and shame that drives most males to the edge of the cliff. Learning to love and love well without reliance on the other person to receive it… it is the place that you can breathe, Gar. Because your every decision from that day on is no longer driven by fear. You no longer have to measure yourself and weigh the risk. You no longer have to walk the tightrope of questions, no longer fear being mocked. You are free to live and express whatever you wish. And in doing so, you will attract those who love well, also. Because the more love you have to give, the more you will receive.

"The greatest deception in this life is that you are made less by unreturned love. That you should not love unless it is returned—do you know why?"

"I doubt it."

His father smiled. "It's because so many love and never know that the love is returned, because they weren't willing to offer first. The only way to find out who will applaud you, rather than mock you, is to love first. To love better and stronger. To hope and to pray. And to know that if they do not receive you, the Creator still sees what you gave and will reward you for it.

"I'm serious, Gar: Love. Give love. Give as much as you have, to anyone you have it for. You will release your heart from prison, and release your mind from fear. It will make you stronger, not weaker.

"Your mate… whether she understands the bond or completes it, or not, will be very blessed to receive your love. And you will be blessed to give it." His father took another deep breath and smiled at the images in his mind. "The only true regret of my life is that I did not offer my love to your mother earlier. That instead, I gave myself and my body to others in an attempt to fill the hole she left in me. I wish I could change those years, but I cannot. If I would give you any advice about the situation you find yourself in now, it would be that you give yourself without restraint. Have no regrets.  No matter how it turns out."

Gar shifted in his seat. He couldn't meet his father's eyes. He'd thought he was a strong male. Thought he could handle love, because every interaction he'd had with females in the past, he'd attempted to leave them as pleased or happy as he felt himself. He hadn't always succeeded, he knew. But he'd tried.

Now he could see, he'd never been invested before. Never cared beyond enjoying a female's time or body. Never felt that he had something to lose.

They had, though. Some of them. Some of them had hoped for him. He knew. He'd seen the looks. And he'd tried to be kind, to ignore the signals and simply allow them to walk away with their dignity.

He didn't regret that he'd never given his heart away. But now he wondered… was he destined to reap what he had sown? Only worse, because the bond was real?

"She's been hurt, Dad," he said quietly. "Hurt in ways I haven't. I don't know if I know how to help with that."

"Love is a remarkable healer, Gar," his father said solemnly. "You may not have the words or the experience to guide her healing, but you can love in a way that soothes until she finds it for herself."

"How?"

His father reached across the long couch to take his hand. "Just the way you love your sister, and your mother, and the disformed, and Aaryn and… and me. The love that is protective and thoughtful. The love that is willing to sacrifice for others, even at risk to yourself. That's true love, Gar. And it helps anyone who receives it, on any level."

"But… I've pissed all of those people off… countless times."

"You might have noticed that loving doesn't mean you never get angry," his father said dryly. "It doesn't mean that you never want to close your teeth on the person's neck. It only means that when your anger has cooled, you can remember why they are valuable. And why you are, as well."

"But… I already told her she's my mate. And the healers did too."

"And how did she react?"

"She smiled, but looked away. And when I get close to her, sometimes she wants me close, and other times she shies away."

His father frowned. "I had a friend once who… it's possible she's been harmed in ways you don't know yet, Gar."

Gar sighed. "She's spoken about her father—at first I thought we shared a pain," he said carefully. "This… disapproval. This conflict. But hers… her father harmed her. She flinches sometimes, when I move too quickly. And she doesn't… she doesn't value her own life. Once when we were talking and she was open, she said one of the reasons she came here was because it didn't matter if she died. She thought it was an adventure, but if it got her killed… she didn't think that mattered. She had no idea how it would… eviscerate me if she died. None!"

His father's face went very still. "Feels horrifying, doesn't it, to know that someone you love thinks they aren't even important enough to stay alive?"

"Yes!"

His father remained silent for a long moment, staring at him. Gar stared back, confused. Why did his father stare as if he was missing something?

Then he clicked. 

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