You've Got Mail: A Cautionary Tale

Chapter 4 – Nothing Was More Important Than The Pengornis Drawings

This was probably the best sleep Wu Xingzi had experienced in a long time.

Ever since that big flood, he had never slept so well. Waking up in the morning, he felt refreshed and invigorated. It felt like he had expelled all the gloom from his body, and now he felt bright and lithe.

After breakfast, he saw that it was not yet time to report to work. He again studied those five drawings he had looked through repeatedly last night, and as he was looking through them, something emerged in his mind.

Would I also have to send a drawing of my own shaft??If so, he would really be unable to do it, but… He exhaled, stacking the five drawings neatly together and carefully placing them in a rattan case that had long since been empty. After that, he placed a scent pouch that would repel insects inside it as well.

Picking up?The Pengornisseur, he came to a decision.

Last night’s experience was like an enlightenment for him. Wu Xingzi had an epiphany. His life had been too mundane, there were so many things in this world that were more interesting than he had thought. If he did not try them out, it would be such a waste.

There were over a hundred people in?The Pengornisseur, although not everyone was outstanding, they were still all proper and dependable. At first, he had only wanted to find a life partner or someone he could talk to, so he had made his selection carefully.

However, what if… everyone was accustomed to sending such drawings? Even if he was really unable to become penpals with that manager of a jewellery shop on page seventeen, but it would not stop him from admiring the manager’s… pengornis.

It was said that: Desire for food and sex was just part of human nature.

As a man, although Wu Xingzi was introverted and also had an inferiority complex, this did not mean that he would not be interested in getting some. The more, the merrier. After all, more birds, more luck!

If he had to interact with many people, he would definitely be unable to do it. But if he was to “judge” these pengornises, then… Thinking about it, he was really quite excited!

Not realising that his thoughts had already completely deviated from his original ideas, Wu Xingzi made a decision. He would send a letter to everyone in?The Pengornisseur. With more than hundred drawings of phalluses, it was enough to last him for two to three years.

Unlike the painful struggle he had over using fifty coins a few days ago, in the half hour before he had to report to the magistrate’s office, he prepared ten letters. He was thankful that he had also bought a brush, ink and paper that day he picked up?The Pengornisseur, so there was enough for him to use recklessly.

Having never purchased anything good in his life, and even buying the cheapest option for his New Year goods, Wu Xingzi entered the new world of making friends through the pigeon express.

From that day on, Wu Xingzi would hitch a ride on Old Liu’s cart every other day, sending his letters and collecting his replies. However, he had never spent a second coin on the same person.

After half a month’s time, he had collected about 50 drawings. Storing them neatly in the rattan case, he would flip through them every night before sleep, and select two or three for his enjoyment that night.

Wu Xingzi had never expected that his little entertainment would attract the suspicions of Auntie Liu. Having wasted a day and losing the opportunity to go to Goose City to collect his replies, Wu Xingzi finally left the Lius’ place, his head full of regrets.

Without new pengornises to admire, what was he supposed to do during the long night?

Listlessly, he went to the magistrate’s office to settle some documents, and the sun soon set. Wu Xingzi was about to head home, but Constable Zhang came over.

“Adviser Wu.”

“Evening, Constable Zhang.” Wu Xingzi’s smile was a little feeble, and Constable Zhang frowned as he looked at him.

“You… Would you like to come to my place for dinner tonight?” A thread of sympathy and tenderness could be seen in Constable Zhang’s expression. However, Wu Xingzi did not notice it, he was still feeling regretful about not being able to collect his replies that day.

“Uh…” Wu Xingzi blinked, at first, he was delighted, then he suddenly became shy. “I would only intrude…”

He was not considered close to Constable Zhang. Although they had been colleagues for twenty years, they had probably exchanged less than twenty sentences about anything that was not work-related.

Also, Constable Zhang knew that he used to like the beancurd lad. At that time, he had then completely dispelled any notions of being close friends with Constable Zhang.

“No worries, there’s not much difference in preparing a table for three and a table for two. Ansheng is also concerned about you.” Ansheng was the name of the beancurd lad, and Wu Xingzi had also only discovered that during that day he explained about the?Peng?Society to him.

With Constable Zhang’s placid expression, Wu Xingzi would naturally not reject him. The two of them left the magistrate’s office together, and headed to the market.

Reaching the beancurd store, they found that Ansheng was still wiping the tables. With his bare chest, his solid body covered with droplets of sweat was very eye-catching under the rays of the setting sun.

Wu Xingzi rubbed his eyes, he hurriedly turned his head away to avoid arousing any suspicions. Still, he could not help but to glance at him from the corner of his eyes.

Constable Zhang also did not seem to mind that he was sneaking looks. He went up and hugged Ansheng’s waist, kissing him on the forehead. Watching such a warm and attractive scene, Wu Xingzi felt an envy within his heart.

“Brother Xingzi.” Ansheng quickly noticed the presence of Wu Xingzi, with a blush on his face, he pushed Constable Zhang away. “How have you been?”

“Very well, very well. Thank you.” Wu Xingzi nodded his head. Thinking of the fifty pengornises drawings stored in his house, the smile on his face turned brighter.

“Auntie Liu says you’ve been going to Goose City very often.” Ansheng winked at him, his smile somewhat wicked.

Wu Xingzi flushed, rubbing at the back of his neck, he admitted it with an embarrassed nod.

“Adviser Wu would be having dinner with us tonight, is there anything you’d like to eat?” Constable Zhang took over Ansheng’s cleaning, and started wiping the chairs.

“That’s great! Brother Xingzi, what do you like to eat? Brother Fu’s cooking is very good, he can prepare anything.” Ansheng’s pleased look made Wu Xingzi feel more envious.

Ever since he decided to judge pengornises, he never paid attention to the person he was sending his letter to. In his eyes, those hundred over men had all become various-shaped pengornises. There were no emotions involved, but he did have some satisfaction physically.

Out of nowhere, Wu Xingzi felt a little dizzy. When he first joined the?Peng?Society, it was to find a life partner. Now, he was only looking for pengornises.

“Brother Xingzi?” Having registered Wu Xingzi’s sudden realisation, Ansheng called out to him worriedly.

“Hmm? Ah, it’s fine, it’s nothing, I eat everything, I’m not picky.” Wu Xingzi recovered his senses, his reply a little uneasy.

Ansheng exchanged a look with Constable Zhang. They looked worried, but did not say anything, only warmly inviting Wu Xingzi to their place.

Constable Zhang was really good at cooking. A simple stir-fried mountain vegetables, fried long beans, and his pickled vegetables with meat did not lose out to the restaurants in Goose City. Wu Xingzi’s meals usually consisted of a bowl of noodles, buns, or pancakes stuffed with eggs. Eating alone, he would naturally not spend too much effort on his meals.

Done with their food, just like before, Constable Zhang went to wash the dishes, and Ansheng pulled Wu Xingzi over for a chat.

“Brother Xingzi, have you met someone you like?” Deliberating over it, Ansheng finally asked the question.

“Huh?” Wu Xingzi blinked. He was drinking the wine he brought, and his train of thoughts had not caught up yet. Unaware, he nodded his head.

“Oh! What kind of person is he?” Ansheng’s eyes brightened, he seemed to have sighed in relief.

“Uhh…” Wu Xingzi was unable to answer. The truth was, the thing he liked was not a “person”, but someone’s “pengornis”.

“Huh?” Ansheng’s expression was expectant. Wu Xingzi blushed, he had to try to give an answer.

“He’s a… very… powerful and magnificent person.” Flashing across Wu Xingzi’s head was that thick and weighty phallus that nearly filled up the whole paper he received the first time. This had to be mentioned, he had already collected fifty pengornis drawings, but there was really none that could compare to that one.

Whether the thickness or the length, including the shape, that slightly curved angle, full and round tip, with that shy looking slit, the full and heavy balls at the bottom, each time he held that drawing, it was as though he could feel it burning in his hand.

“Like Brother Fu?” Ansheng’s face was full of curiosity. He had also seen?The Pengornisseur, and so he also understood that a tall and muscular man like Constable Zhang would actually rarely appear within its pages.

Hearing that, a buzz sounded in Wu Xingzi’s head. He could not help but attach that image of the pengornis in his mind to Constable Zhang.

Such a thick and weighty object, it was really very suitable for Constable Zhang… Unconsciously, he savoured the image in his mind, and nodded his head profoundly.

“So Brother Xingzi also likes tall and muscular men.” Ansheng was a little surprised. Although he was not considered to be very close with Wu Xingzi, he still had a good understanding of him.

This warm, gentle and somewhat shy man in front of him, whenever he saw those tall and strong constables at the magistrate’s office, he would always display a nervous expression and quietly distance himself from them. He had always thought that Wu Xingzi would like a gentle and mild man.

“Uh… I quite like them… quite like them…” Wu Xingzi shifted uneasily. Thinking about those few drawings that he especially liked, all of them belonged to the thick and strong category. He was always very curious to know, if he touched the actual thing, would it be like how he imagined it to be, burning and heavy?

“That’s great, Brother Xingzi.” Ansheng sincerely expressed his congratulations, and Wu Xingzi felt a sense of guilt.

“It’s nothing, nothing…” Thinking about it, all the men on?The Pengornisseur?were looking to make friends, for him to only collect pengornis drawings like this, it really seemed wrong.

Believing that they got an answer, Ansheng and Constable Zhang put down their worries. Finishing the wine, Wu Xingzi said his farewells and headed home.

Upon reaching home, Wu Xingzi locked all his doors and windows. He took that rattan case out, and spread the fifty drawings across the table, comparing them one by one against the drawings in?The Pengornisseur.

He had actually not paid attention to how most of them looked like. Some of them even stayed quite a distance away, and the pigeons needed to fly for about four or five days before they returned.

His favourite pengornis drawing belonged to a private tutor. From his drawing, he looked fair and refined, with a sense of righteousness on his face. His shoulders were a little narrow, and Wu Xingzi guessed that the width should be similar to his. He was a little thin, and could be considered tall.

This private tutor was also a scholar, his age close to forty. He liked to prepare tea and read, and would drink with his old friends every few days. He did not plan on going after any more honours, he only wanted to stay in his hometown and be a good teacher, quietly spending the rest of his life there.

For some reason, Wu Xingzi thought of his own father.

As such, he closed?The Pengornisseur?decisively. Staring at that pengornis drawing, he giggled.

Actually, this was enough already, was it not? Life was truly too fragile. He thought about how his parents were swallowed by the swelling river in the blink of an eye, and their bodies unable to be found even til today.

He was about to turn forty, Even if he looked for someone just past the age of thirty to spend his life together with, there was no guarantee that he would not be alone when he woke up one day.

However, these pengornis drawings were different. Even if he kicked the bucket tomorrow, these drawings would also follow him into that yellowwood coffin, accompanying him to the afterlife.

With such thoughts, Wu Xingzi cheered up again. He pushed those warm actions of Ansheng and Constable Zhang into some deep part of his mind, and shoved them down with a large boulder on top.

Recalling that he would again be able to collect new drawings tomorrow at Goose City, Wu Xingzi was elated. He picked up his favourite pengornis drawing. Peeling off his pants he climbed onto his bed, then he grabbed the soft little Xingzi and started stroking.

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